


Was it a mistake? (No it couldn't be)

by endlesspossibilitiesinlife



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Clexa is Endgame, F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt Lexa, Insecure Clarke, Misunderstandings, Popular Clarke, Swearing, insecure lexa, prejudices
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-07-21 18:26:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 40,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7398604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlesspossibilitiesinlife/pseuds/endlesspossibilitiesinlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa doesn't let anybody come close to her after her break up with Costia two years ago, but when she is paired up with Clarke for a school project, the blonde finds a way into her heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first longer story so I would be happy about any advice, etc.  
> Also sorry for any mistakes, but I am not a Native- English-speaker and I haven't proofread it.

„Fine. Just go ahead and leave!“ I knew it. I had known it all along and still I was dumb enough to believe that she would be different. That she would stick to her promises and stay with me – no matter how difficult life was. But of course that wasn't the case. 

I swore myself to stay away from people after my break up with Costia. It had ripped my heart apart and I had known that I wouldn't be able to have my heart broken twice. And my plan was working out just fine. Two years after the break up I was used to solitude. And if I ever felt lonely I had my dog to keep me company. I was set in my routines which I enjoyed way more than I probably should have but for me everything was good. I might not have been happy but I was content with my life. Until the point when the beautiful blonde made her way into my life – mostly without me wanting her to. 

The first time I met her was in my history class. My day had been going as usual this far. I had gotten up early to go for a run after which I took a shower and then I got my daily cup of coffee on my way to class. I was ready for another lecture – actually I was looking forward to it – I had always been interested in the second World War but unfortunately our teacher had something different in mind. “For the next unit, I won't be giving you any lectures. Instead you will have the class time to work with a partner on an aspect of the chapter and then each group will present it.” I groaned internally. Was that university or middle school? Since when did professors stop giving lectures? I wouldn't have minded getting to know the subject on my own but with a partner... I was looking around, seeing everybody talking excitedly. I would be the one again that somebody would get stuck with because there were an uneven amount of people in their friend group in this class. When I would meet up with my partner, they would be so uncomfortable working with me that they'd count the minutes until we were done with the project. That wasn't me being pessimistic but me speaking from experience. 

“I know you are excited, but I have actually already picked out the pairings.” Startled from the professor's voice I looked up. Well at least I wouldn't have to worry about finding a partner.  
But when I heard with whom I was paired my face was going white. Clarke Griffin. THE Clarke Griffin. That couldn't really be happening. Everybody had gone quiet turning to Clarke. I expected the person I was paired with not to be happy about it, but I didn't expect to be paired up with the most popular girl in school. Now I wouldn't only be hated by her but also by everybody else because who was I to deserve such a pairing. After writing down our topic and the due date, I basically ran out of class. I needed to get away from my classmates. I needed to be alone. 

I actually understood why people would be jealous of me. Clarke was gorgeous. She had blue eyes that resembled the color of the sky. Her blonde hair was flowing over her shoulders in angel-like curls but the most beautiful thing about her was her smile. You couldn't stop yourself from smiling back at that smile. Well, I could but I mean she wouldn't ever smile at me anyway. But what people loved most about Clarke wasn't her appearance. She cared about everyone. If she talked with you, you had the feeling that you were the most important person to her. She was always listening inventively and she was by far the most empathic person in this school. I knew all that from people talking about her and having watched her and the rest of my classmates for two years, because obviously I had never talked to her myself. 

After I had calmed myself a little bit, I tried to go logically about the situation. I would just try to do as much work as possible. This way we wouldn't have to meet often. She would get through this project without doing a lot of work and I would get through it without feeling too much like a burden.  
Since I had a plan now and my stomach was growling, I decided getting something to eat was a good idea. Well at least I thought it was a good idea until I saw a certain blonde heading towards the table at which I was sitting alone. “Hey Lexa!”, she said politely, “I thought we could set up a date when we could meet to start with the project.” I could feel everybody else staring at me. I was looking down at my plate. I didn't know what to say until I remembered that I had made a plan. So I was telling her about how I could do the work and we could meet every two weeks so she could check if she liked where it was going. I had been staring at my hands the whole time but when Clarke hadn't responded in what felt like forever, I looked up. 

The look she was giving me could only be described as a mixture between shock and hurt, but I had no idea why she was looking like this. Shouldn't she be happy to get out of this assignment so easily? “Of course you would suggest that! I know exactly what you think but there is no way this is going to happen. I don't care if you want to work with me or not, we have been assigned as partners and we are going to do this together. We'll meet at 9:30 tomorrow morning – main library entrance.” And with these words she got up so quickly that her chair fell to the floor. She looked even angrier than before. She picked up the chair, violently shoved it against the table and stormed out of the dining hall. I was looking after her. I had no idea what just happened, but I was guessing that working with Clarke would be even more unpleasant than I thought it would be. Great... just great... I sighed. I had to get ready for my afternoon classes, but I really wasn't looking forward to the next morning.


	2. Chapter 2

Getting up the next morning was hell. I hadn't really slept all night because I was so worried about meeting up with Clarke. If she would be as angry as she was yesterday, I'd be dead. I prolonged my morning run and skipped the coffee for the first time in six months. Caffeine would probably make my nerves even worse and I was already feeling sick to my stomach. 

I was walking towards the library entrance at exactly 9:29. I really didn't want to stand around waiting as nervous as I was. Clarke was already there looking like she had the worst time of her life in front of her. Great. That would be going well... And I was right with my predicaments. After a short 'Hello' from both of us we were headed inside. When we found a place to work, we just sat there in silence for 5 minutes. Then I couldn't take it any longer. I started suggesting how we could go about the project – not sleeping last night had given me a lot of time to gather some ideas – but obviously Clarke hated them all. 15 minutes later we still had no idea what we were going to do and both of us looked frustrated as hell. 

“Well, if you don't like any of my suggestions maybe you could start coming up with some.” I was so done with just having her sit there, not doing anything except from saying no to every single thing I said. “Oh you want me to make suggestions? I thought you wanted to do all of the work on your own.”, Clarke said in a voice that sounded like she was going to blow up in my face at any moment now. I countered: “Yes but you didn't want that, so since you didn't like my plan maybe you should come up with one yourself.” This whole thing was so confusing. Why was Clarke that way? All I had ever seen of the blonde was her being nice and kind and now that? I understood that she didn't like me but had I ever done anything to her? 

People around us started looking and the librarian walked over to us. “If you two can't keep it down, I'll have to kick you out.” Even though she addressed both of us, her eyes stayed on me the whole time. Of course. If Clarke was fighting with somebody, it had to be the other person's fault. Both of us sat in silence again until Clarke got up. “Where are you going?”, I asked her. “Well, this is clearly not working so I'll ask our teacher if I can get another partner.” With that she turned around and was gone. 

I was just staring after her. What the heck was that? This girl was so confusing but I really wanted her to be successful with talking to our professor. I didn't want to burden her anymore with having to work with me for three months. And I really wanted everybody to stop staring and go back to ignoring me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's really short. Sorry but I felt like I needed a cut there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's get the drama started.

The next afternoon my phone started ringing. I was startled. Nobody was ever calling or messaging me – I mean why would they. Unknown number. When I answered hesitantly, I heard Clarke's voice. “Hello. I talked with our professor this morning.” I had no idea where Clarke had gotten my number from. Only a handful of people on Campus had it – mostly just because they had to work with me on a project at some point. Her voice was cold and irritated. Not a good sign. “He said there is no switching. If we don't do the project together, he will let us fail his class.” She sighed. “So I guess we should start meeting again. Tomorrow, time and place as usual?”, she asked. I nodded. Definitely not the outcome I had hoped for. “Lexa?” Oh right. Clarke couldn't see me. “Yeah, sure that's fine.” “Okay, see you tomorrow then.” Before I could answer she had hung up the phone. 

The rest of the day I kept thinking about how we would have to see each other almost every day for three months and work together. I honestly felt sorry for Clarke. I would have felt sorry for anybody that had to do such a big project with me, but obviously Clarke really hated it. Otherwise she wouldn't have reacted so angrily every time she had seen me. 

The meeting the next day went as bad as the last time we met – except for Clarke not storming out of the library this time. For one reason or another we couldn't get it together and the situation seemed to get worse with every time that we met. Not only did Clarke obviously not like me but as time went by we got under pressure since we didn't make any progress. 

About a month after the project had started we basically hadn't gotten anything done. Clarke had been busy every morning of the week so we decided we would meet up on Friday evening. That was definitely not how either one of us wanted to spent that night but it was what it was. The library was empty. Of course everybody else was out partying. 

Clarke seemed even more irritated that day than any other time that we had met. I honestly hadn't thought it was possible but obviously I was wrong. She didn't even react to my suggestions anymore. The usual 'No', that I had gotten before, had been way better than to basically talk to a wall. I gave up after an hour. “Clarke, honestly why are you even here if you don't want to work with me. Why don't you just let me do the project alone?” She tensed but still didn't say a word, so I tried to keep arguing reasonably hoping she would agree. “I am sure you would rather be partying with your friends than working on history. If you are afraid that I'll ruin your grade, if I am doing this alone, I won't I promise. The worst we might get is a B. You can look over what I worked on and then change it all you want. You can still be the one in control, but we need to do something because if we keep on sitting here like this we'll fail this class anyway.” 

During the last part of my speech I had been inventively staring at my hands but now I looked up at Clarke. Her face was red. She looked even more angry than the last time that she stormed out of the library. I was waiting for her to say anything but she didn't. She just kept staring at me. After a few minutes I couldn't take it any longer. “Clarke? Can we do it that way? It would be the best for both of us.”

That was the final straw. Clarke jumped up and started screaming at me. “Of course you think it would be best for us. Because I am just a stupid art major, right? Because I only have decent grades when I let others do the work. Because I might be pretty and popular but definitely not smart. What? Don't look at me like that. I know that it's exactly what you're thinking. It is the reason why you offered to do it alone – pretending to be nice but I know that you were just afraid that I would ruin your grade. Everybody is always saying, 'Oh I'll do it for you. You are so busy and have so many things to do. Let me take care of this.' But I know what they really mean. They are worried that the dumb blonde will ruin their project. You want to know how often I hear, 'Clarke, you are so pretty and popular. Your pretty head shouldn't worry about grades. You are an art major anyway. Nobody will care after college.' Yeah, you didn't think I was clever enough to get where your plan was going but I am. I am not as dumb as you and everybody else think.” During her screaming, Clarke had also started crying. I was so incredibly shocked, I had no idea what to say. Was that really what she thought? None of this was true, but before I could give an answer, Clarke had stormed out of the library once again.


	4. Chapter 4

I hadn't planned on making the first move. I thought Clarke was going to calm down and just come back to our regular meetings like nothing had happened. But after she hadn't been there for a week, I knew I had to do something. We had to do this project together and not meeting up anymore was not an option. We were already behind. 

I just didn't know how to approach her. I hated calling people so that wasn't an option. I considered writing her a text but I had honestly no idea what to write. How do you tell somebody that they got everything that they thought about you wrong. Well, maybe not everything but at least the reasons for wanting to work alone. So here I was, standing in front of Clarke's room. It was the time we usually met up, so I was hoping that she was home alone, since her friends should be in class. But of course it was a long shot, she could be anywhere. 

After standing in front of the closed door for what felt like ages, I worked up the courage to knock. “One second”, I heard the blonde say in a cheerful voice. Her mood obviously changed when she saw who had been knocking. “Lexa...”, she frowned, “I am guessing you want to talk about how we are going to go about the project.” I nodded. “Well, come in, then.” I stepped reluctantly into her room. 

It didn't look much different from my own, but Clarke had pictures all over her walls - photographs of her friends and family mixed with art work that she probably had done herself. It was amazing. I could imagine just sitting here, staring at the walls for hours and hours. Clarke's voice made me snap out of my thoughts: “So I was thinking and I am okay with you doing the project alone. You are probably right it's best for both of us.” I was surprised. She had refused to let me do it alone for over a month, why was she changing her mind now? Then I looked up at her face. Her eyes were filled with sadness and resignation. I should have been happy. Doing it alone had been what I wanted all along. I could go back to my much beloved solitude and routine. But I couldn't let this happen. Not when her reason for letting me do it alone was that she thought I wanted to do it without her because she was too dumb. 

I sighed. “Yeah, well I don't agree.” She looked confused, “You wanted to do it alone from the start. Just be happy about it and we are done with this topic.”, she tried to argue. But I couldn't take that way even though it would have been the easiest. “Clarke, what you said last time we met...”, I started. She looked even more pained than before but I needed to get it out. “You got it all wrong.” Now she was looking at me even more confused than before. “Clarke, I don't think you are dumb. Actually I think you are really smart. I have watched you in a few of our classes and the answers you are giving are incredible. It's like you think everything through while others only see the obvious. You are honestly one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. I haven't doubted for one second that our project will be awesome with you working on it.” I started blushing and stared out of the window behind Clarke. Did I really just say that? Well, it wouldn't be surprising if she wouldn't want to work with a creep like me after that anyway. 

There was a long silence. After some time Clarke must have realized that I wouldn't keep going by myself. “But if what you are saying is true, Lexa, why did you want to do it alone then?”, the blonde said with the softest voice I ever heard. That was the first time I looked at her again. She stared at me with tears in her eyes. I could tell she didn't believe me 100% - not without an explanation about why I had wanted to work alone. 

I didn't plan on telling her. Actually I had sworn myself after the break up with Costia to never tell anybody anything personal like that ever again. But in this moment I couldn't stop myself. I needed Clarke to believe me. I needed her to feel better about herself, even if it meant to admit things I never wanted anybody to know. 

She waited patiently for an answer, seeing how worked up I was about it. “I, uhm, well...”. Gosh, I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. But then Clarke sat down on her bed, patting the spot next to her to show me that I should sit down too, She faced me and said the only words that could have brought me to admit everything: “Lexa, it's okay if you can't tell me. I understand.” How could I not tell her after this. 

So I tried to pull myself together. I looked down at my hands and then I started: “You know I am not exactly popular – haven't ever been and so I am kind of used to being matched up with partners. And all of them basically hated it. I have actually had classmate say that to my face. So after a year or so, of me and my partners always being frustrated, I had the idea to do the projects alone and everybody was always happy about this suggestion. So when I got paired up with you, I, well... Having to work with me is a burden I didn't want to put on you. So that's why I suggested that I would do all the work. Plus I mean the whole class hates me for being paired up with you anyway, so I thought working alone would give them a reason to stop being angry at me and go back to ignoring me. I really didn't expect you to think the offer was about anything else than having to work with me.” I had said that part about the rest of our classmates being angry at me half-jokingly. Of course it was also completely true, but I needed lighten up the atmosphere somehow. It didn't really work the way I wanted because I didn't hear Clarke laugh once. So she understood as what it was – the truth. Clarke didn't respond for a while, which forced me eventually to look up at her again. 

Her expression was unreadable this time. Then she smiled. “Well Lexa, the thing is I want to work with you and so I am sorry but you can't stick to your routine about how you normally handle these projects.” Clarke's smile was infecting. The slightest smile started creeping across my face. “Okay.” Clarke's smile widened. “Great, so let's go back to meeting at our usual time and since we can begin with the real work now, I am sure we'll make a great team. I actually think a lot of the ideas you brought up are great. Good that I can admit that now.” She laughed and I shyly joined in. Then I realized that basically everything important was said. I got up and turned towards the door. “See you tomorrow, Clarke.” “Wait, Lexa!” I turned around. She had gotten serious again. “Thank you for telling me the real reason. You don't even know how much it means to me.” I could see in her face, how important it had been to her. I knew the feeling of feeling not good enough for something or somebody, so I could understand how relieved she must have been. I smiled lightly. “Of course, any time.” Clarke smiled back. “I am really looking forward to tomorrow. See you then.” I nodded and turned around. I made my way back to my dorm, but I couldn't help but wonder how one short conversation could have made me feel so good. I hadn't felt that happy in a long time. I didn't even know it was possible for me to be that happy anymore. But it did feel good and that was enough for the moment.


	5. Chapter 5

I was so incredibly nervous before meeting Clarke the next day. Sure, she said we would start to really work together now but that made me even more anxious. Nobody had ever wanted to work with me. What if she hated my ideas? If she said 'No' to them this time, I know that it would be the truth, since she wasn't angry at me anymore. My heart was beating so loudly, I heard it in my head when I was walking towards the table where we usually met. 

Clarke was already sitting there, drawing something in her sketchbook. When she heard my steps coming towards her, she snapped it shut. Then she looked at me and a big smile began to spread across her face. “Hi Lexa! Glad to see you.” The blonde actually looked like she meant it. It was the first time in years that anybody seemed to be happy to see me. Slowly my mouth turned upwards. “Glad to see you too, Clarke.” I sat down next to her, getting my laptop out of my bag. 

Both of us were quiet for a while. “So where do you want to start?”, I asked her. She looked at me. This time her smile actually reached her eyes. “You remember when we met the first time and you suggested that we could make a slide show. I actually really liked that idea. We could make a presentation and add our own audio-comments. What do you think?” 

I couldn't believe it. Clarke liked my idea. And she had remembered my first suggestion, even though it had been at a time, at which she was probably so angry and mad that her thoughts were louder than my talking. 

Of course I agreed to Clarke's suggestion and we started really working on the project for the first time. I had had no idea that working with a partner could be so much fun. I loved every idea Clarke had and the other way around. We added to each other's suggestions and it didn't take long until we had an outline of what we wanted to do. 

From that day on, we met in the library everyday at the same time. We made great progress but that wasn't the only thing I loved about those meetings. Spending time with Clarke was incredible. She was so smart and funny and made me feel like she really wanted to talk to me. Everything was so great, it felt like a dream and I was halfway expecting to wake up at any moment, but I never did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is really short. Sorry! But I am already writing on the next one which will definitely be longer and coming soon.


	6. Chapter 6

Everything was going great until Clarke started pushing the boundaries. It had began with normal small talk questions like which classes I enjoyed the most and in general just talking about school. But this type of conversation already started to make me feel uncomfortable. I mean as long as her questions would have only concerned school I would have been fine but I had a feeling she would have started asking about my free time, hobbies and friends soon. And these were topics I couldn't handle. 

It had been so great working with Clarke but I was afraid that the blonde was going to realize that I was indeed a loser. How was she supposed to still like to spend time with me, if she would know that I had literally no friends or hobbies. Wouldn't I seem pathetic? She would have probably thought that I was a creep that wanted her to be my only friend. Yeah, I couldn't let that happen. 

So I started to distance myself again. I answered her questions as shortly as possible and stopped asking about her in return, even though I was dying to know more about her. After every meeting I left as soon as we stopped working on whatever we were doing that day; Clarke barely even having time to say goodbye. 

Of course the blonde noticed my strange behavior but she didn't say anything. At least not until we were two months into our project. When I came to our table that Monday, I could sense that something was wrong. Clarke was just staring blankly at the wall instead of drawing in her sketchbook like she usually did . She looked really down and worn out. I immediately wanted to make her feel better but I knew that I couldn't. 

“Lexa, I think we should talk...” I sat down across from her for the first time in weeks. Usually we were sitting next to each other. I answered reluctantly: “Okay... What do you want to talk about?” The blonde looked down at her hands, which felt really weird. She normally always looked me in the eyes. “I think we both know that something has changed between us and, well, I was wondering if you wanted to do the rest of the project alone. I mean we are pretty far. The only thing that is left is fine-tuning. Or if you don't want to do it, I could. You could check on it before we present it. Or we could both do parts of it separately.” Clarke stopped rambling and looked up at me. I was taken aback. I hadn't expected her to want to stop working together even though I knew it was awkward between us at the moment. But what surprised me even more than that, was the hurt look in her eyes. The same look I remembered her having when she believed I didn't want to work with her because she was dumb. 

I didn't know what to say, so I decided that going with the truth would be best. “Uhm, I am honestly really surprised that you want to stop working together. I thought it was going pretty well. I mean, I know it has been a little bit awkward the last few times we met but the project is coming along great.” I couldn't tell her the reason for the awkwardness but I didn't want to stop working with her. I didn't want that seeing her every day would come to an end so soon, but I knew that Clarke wasn't convinced, so I tried again. “If you want to work on it separately we can, but I think it would be better if we would do it together. It's our project and I really like working on it with you.” I couldn't believe, I had said that last part, but I needed to persuade her somehow, so I guess letting her see a small part of how I felt was necessary. She hesitantly replied: “Okay, if you think it's better to do it together we will.” 

But things between Clarke and me just got worse instead of better every time we met. Two weeks before the project was due it was so tense between us that you could have cut the air with a knife. I knew Clarke would explode on me any minute now, but there was no way I could tell her why I had put my walls, behind which she had just gotten a little glimpse, completely back up. I couldn't let her see how important she was to me. I couldn't let her think of me as a loser. I already did that myself. I could handle going through the next two weeks with Clarke being angry at me, or more like disappointed in me, somehow. It was already scary enough that she had gotten close enough to hurt me, even though I had promised myself to stay away from people. I couldn't handle it actually happening.


	7. Chapter 7

Clarke did indeed “explode” on me but it wasn't at all what I had expected. It was a week before we had to present our project and we were fighting about if we should add comments to a certain scene. I thought it was pretty self-explaining, but the blonde obviously didn't agree. “Honestly, Lexa, nobody is going to understand anything, if we don't comment on it. Not everybody has as much knowledge as you.” She seemed incredibly tense. I was just about to give in, when she looked up at me again. She sighed. With tears in her eyes, she whispered this time: “But if you want to do it your way, we can. I am so sick of fighting with you.” Her voice broke off. Now tears were streaming down her face. I had expected her to scream at me or storm off but I hadn't thought that she would cry in front of me. 

Obviously she noticed how startled I was. “I am sorry I haven't really slept last night and whatever is going on between us does weigh upon me. I just want this tenseness and awkwardness between us to stop.” Her last words were barely audible, because she was sobbing so badly. 

I wouldn't give up on keeping my distance. I promised myself that but I couldn't react coldly when Clarke was crying. I couldn't see her that hurt – especially if it was because of me. “Hey... Clarke... it's okay. You don't have to cry. I swear it won't be awkward anymore. We can just do it your way. No more fighting.” As an answer she just laughed sourly. The stream of tears running down her face didn't lessen. I knew that this way of calming her down wouldn't be working. Of course not. So I got up and sat down next to her. 

I put my arm around the blonde's shoulders. I expected her to stiffen but she leaned in into the touch so I pulled her closer to me while petting her back. “It's gonna be okay, Clarke.” It took her a while but she slowly calmed down. Even though I was only able to hear the occasional snob from Clarke by then, I didn't dare to pull away. If she would have needed me to, I would have sat there for the entire day, but eventually the blonde sat back up. 

She looked at me. “I am so sorry, Lexa. I really didn't mean to cry on you and stain your shirt.” I followed her gaze to see that my t-shirt was actually pretty wet from Clarke's tears. I looked at her softly. “Clarke, I couldn't care less about my shirt. The only thing that is important is that you feel better.” The smallest hint of a smile appeared on her lips. “I do... thanks to you. And you were right about the scene. No comments.” 

I smiled. I just couldn't help myself. “Okay, then it's my way on this scene and you can decide on the next one.” She smiled and nodded. “Why don't we work on the rest tomorrow?”, Clarke said with the cutest, shy smile on her face. “Yes, let's do that”, I agreed. We both got up. “See you tomorrow, Clarke.” “See you and Lexa?”, she said quietly. “Yes?”, I turned back around to face her. She blushed a little bit: “Thank you for everything. I don't think anybody has ever reacted that greatly when I was crying.” A smile creeped on my face too. “For you any time.” I turned around and went to my dorm. I had forgotten how good Clarke could make me feel. Well, maybe not really forgotten but more like suppressed. 

'Gosh, it would be so hard when we wouldn't see each other anymore after the project would be done, which was in a week – way too soon if you'd ask me. Who would have thought everything would turn this way when we had started the project? Definitely not me.' But at that moment I was just happy even though I knew I shouldn't have been.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added a part from Clarke's POV because I want to show her side from now on too, so I think it's going to be a pretty regular thing. Tell me if you like it or not. I can always go back to only writing from Lexa's perspective.

** Lexa **

 

The last days of working together went pretty smoothly. Since the end of the project was so close, I knew I didn't have to distance myself that much from Clarke while working with her anymore. The problem of my feelings towards her and that she definitely couldn't know about them would solve itself with the end of the project. 

 

The night before we had to present our work, I was so nervous I had no idea how to fall asleep. I was anxious about having to stand in front of the whole class, even if we didn't have to talk – thanks to the audio-comments that we added, but I was even more nervous about Clarke and me going our own separate ways again. 

 

I was sure Clarke was happy to have the project done and I still believed she would be happy to not have to work with me anymore – even though I know she would have never admitted that. But I on the other hand, would just be going back to my old, lonely life. My beloved routines seemed more boring than tempting at that moment. 

 

Eventually I was so exhausted that I was able to fall asleep that night. But my dreams wouldn't let me rest. I dreamed about telling Clarke that I really liked her. She started laughing at me. Then her friends appeared. “Can you believe what Lexa just told me? She has fallen for me.”, the blonde mocked me in my dream. Her friend Octavia started laughing so hard that her face went red. She added, “How could this loser ever think they were good enough for you?” All of her friends agreed and laughed at me. I just wanted to run away but I couldn't. My feet were glued to the ground. I felt like crying. That was when Octavia's brother Bellamy showed up. The friend group told him what was going on. He walked up to Clarke and then asked me with the biggest smirk on his face: “You wish you could do that, huh?” He turned to Clarke and gave her the most passionate kiss.

 

That was when I woke up. I sat up in bed, breathing heavily. My body was shaking and I was crying. I had known it was the right thing not to get attached to anybody anymore after what happened with Costia. And here I was sobbing so badly that I wasn't able to calm down because of a dream. If that was the impact a dream could have on me I didn't want to know what would happen if Clarke rejected me in real life. No that was something I wouldn't let happen. And she was straight anyway so the rejection would definitely happen, right?

 

'Just one more day then you don't have to see her again'. I repeated this in my head over and over again, until I was eventually able to fall back to sleep. 

 

** Clarke **

 

'Tomorrow their project would be done. Seeing Lexa every day would be over.' Clarke couldn't believe it. Working with Lexa had been messed up at times but she would have never thought that it would end so quickly. Whatever had been wrong between the two of them had obviously vanished, because working with the brunette this last week had been awesome. Clarke wished it wouldn't have to end ever. 

 

Her thoughts were interrupted when someone stormed into her room. It was her best friend Octavia. “Clarke, what are you doing here? I thought we were all going out for dinner and celebrate that we are done with this stupid project. Why are you in your pajamas?” Octavia was obviously upset that the blonde wasn't making an attempt to get up and change, so she threw a pillow at her. Clarke sighed. “I am sorry, O. I am just not in the mood for celebrating. I am gonna stay in tonight.” At that it was Octavia's turn to sigh. “Okay, spill. What is going on?” Clarke just shook her head. 

 

She didn't want to talk about it. Clarke had never kept any secrets from her best friend but she just couldn't tell her. She was embarrassed. Not about her feelings towards Lexa but about how crazy she had acted because of them. 

 

“This is about Lexa, isn't it?” Clarke's head shot up, looking shocked. Octavia just laughed. “Omg, did you really think I haven't noticed? You have been in such a good mood every time you came back from working with her. And the way you look at her in class... It's totally obvious, Clarke.” The blonde's cheeks had turned red while Octavia was talking. She didn't know what to say, so her best friend kept on going: “The only thing I am kinda mad about is that you haven't told me. I mean, what did you think? That I'd judge you because she is not popular or because she is a girl? You know that you can trust me right?” Octavia looked really hurt and Clarke didn't want her friend to think that she didn't trust her. “O, I totally trust you. It was just... I was afraid. Not really of what you would think but more of my feelings in general. I have never felt like this about anybody. Sure, I liked Finn and my other boyfriends, but it was nothing like this. And if I would have talked to you about it I would have had to admit to myself that these feelings are 100% real.” Clarke looked at her friend to see if she believed her. Octavia's look had softened and she pulled the blonde in for a tight hug. “We'll figure this out together. I am always by your side.” Clarke nodded. She should have talked with her best friend earlier. It was such a relieve to be able to share these feelings with somebody. 

 

Octavia pulled out her phone. “Hey Bell! Clarke isn't feeling good, so I'll be staying here with her. … No, you don't have to come. I got it. See you tomorrow. Bye.” Clarke looked at her guilty. “O, you really don't have to cancel. We can talk some other time. I know you were excited to celebrate with everybody.” But the brunette shook her head. “First of all, you always come first. Second of all, I can celebrate some other time and third of all, I have got a feeling that somebody is stressing out about tomorrow so we should talk today.” Clarke knew there was no sense in arguing with her friend. If she had made a decision, nobody could change her mind. 

 

“So”, Octavia started, “Let's begin with the basics. How long have you been feeling this way? How exactly are you feeling?” Clarke began to smile. “I think I was always intrigued by her but I have really started liking her when she came over to tell me that her not wanting to work with me wasn't about me but about her. There are so many things I adore about her. She has the most gorgeous green eyes. I could stare at them for hours and obviously she is beautiful but it's not just her looks. She is so intelligent. She thinks everything through but if she notices that you made a mistake, she doesn't just criticize you. She gives you suggestions what could work better in the most gentle way. Oh gosh and her smile. She doesn't smile often, but when she does it is as if her whole body lights up. I love when that happens and something I said is the reason for it. And...” “Okay, okay. I think I got it.”, the brunette interrupted the blonde. Clarke blushed. “Sorry, like I told you I have never felt about anybody else that way. I know it's crazy... I mean I don't even know her that well but my feelings don't seem to understand that.” Octavia's smile grew into a smirk. “Well, I hate to break it to you, Clarke but you have fallen for her pretty badly.” 

 

Clarke sighed. “I know, but it doesn't even matter because after tomorrow it's over anyway.” She stared at her wall sadly. “Well, it doesn't have to be.”, Octavia offered. “Yeah, not at all.”, the blonde said sarcastically, “Because she is this kind of person that meets up with a lot of people and goes to parties all the time.” Clarke looked up at her friend. “O, let's be realistic. She is never anywhere near where we normally are. I won't see her after tomorrow. And I can't really ask her out, I mean she would probably think I am crazy or a creep. We haven't even really talked about anything except school yet.” 

 

The brunette took her time to think about this. “Well, you could invite her for lunch or something to celebrate the end of your project.” Clarke didn't look convinced. “It's just going to make saying goodbye to her afterwards harder.” Octavia didn't seem to agree. “At least give it a shot, Clarke. You are going to regret it, if you don't even try.” She yawned. 

 

“I'll think about it, okay? But no promises.”, the blonde answered. It had gotten late, so Octavia got up from the bed. “Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. And try to not stay up all night worrying.” Clarke nodded. 

 

When Octavia was gone, she thought it all through again. 'Should she really invite Lexa?' But she knew her friend was right, if she didn't she would always wonder what if. Eventually Clarke was so exhausted from going over and over what could happen the next day that she fell asleep – but she slept lightly that night, turning from one side to another and back. She was really worried about how she would handle things with Lexa and that her invite would be rejected. 

 


	9. Chapter 9

** Lexa **

 

Clarke and I had decided on meeting half an hour earlier the next day to be able to set everything up for their presentation. I was so nauseous before the meeting, I was sure I was going to throw up. I talked myself into believing that I would be so happy after this day was over, because the project and handling myself around Clarke would be off my shoulders but when I thought about not seeing her anymore I just felt depressed. 

 

I was the first one to arrive in our classroom so I started setting up my laptop but it wouldn't work. This made me so frustrated that I began to swear at the computer. Why did technology never work when you needed it the most? I was so angry that I didn't notice Clarke come in until I felt her hand on my shoulder. I immediately stiffened. 

 

“Hey Lexa! What is going on?”, she asked in a soft voice. I turned around to face her and she dropped her hand. “It is not working and I don't have any idea why. What if we don't get it to work, Clarke?” I panicked but the blonde didn't look worried at all. “We'll figure it out.”, she said calmly. 'Honestly how could she be so relaxed?'

 

But of course Clarke was right. We figured out pretty quickly what I had done wrong. I had mixed up some cables. Since it was an easy fix, we were done with setting up 15 mins before class started. 

 

The silence between Clarke and me was awkward but I just didn't know what to say. Fortunately, Clarke jumped in after a while. “So are you happy that the project is over?”, she asked with what seemed like genuine interest. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to lie to her. “Well kind of. I mean it's good to have more free time again, but working on the project wasn't that bad. Actually it was fun sometimes.” I stared intensively at the floor, while my cheeks turned red. 'Why exactly had I said that?'

 

A big smile started to spread on Clarke's face. “Yes, it was. I really liked working with you.” I looked up at her in shock. I was pretty sure she had to be joking. I believed her by now that she didn't totally hate working with me but there is a big difference between not completely hating something and really liking it. 

 

** Clarke **

 

Lexa seemed to be in shock after what Clarke had said, because she didn't respond when the blonde asked her, if she was okay. Clarke was confused. She had thought that it was clear by now that she really enjoyed working with Lexa but obviously it hadn't been that clear to the dark-haired girl. 

 

Before she could say anything else to convince Lexa that she was serious, their teacher entered the room. “Hey girls! Ready for the presentation?” The brunette nodded once in a while, while Clarke kept the conversation with their teacher going until class started. 

 

The blonde had volunteered to do the introduction to their video, so the Lexa didn't have to speak in front of their class. Their presentation went great. Everyone got up and clapped at the end of their video. Clarke beamed and even Lexa had a small smile on her face. 

 

After the class ended, people kept coming up to Clarke – telling her how much they loved how they had gone about the project. Nobody came up to Lexa though. Clarke wasn't really surprised about it but she felt sad for the other girl. The brunette had invested so much time in this presentation and still Clarke got all the praise. She didn't have time to continue thinking about this though because their teacher walked up to them. 

 

“Girls, this was honestly the best presentation that anybody has ever done in this class. I admit I was a little bit worried at first when I heard you had trouble working together but seeing this I know it was definitely the right decision to pair you up.” They thanked him and then he left the classroom, leaving them on their own. 

 

They fell into an uncomfortable silence. At some point Clarke couldn't handle it anymore. “Well, I guess that is it. Though it honestly feels weird to know that we won't spend every morning in the library anymore.”, she said with a sad smile on her lips. Lexa nodded while staring at her feet. Then she looked back up and smiled reservedly at Clarke. “So I guess we'll see each other around. It was nice working with you, Clarke.” She turned around and walked towards the door. 

 

“Lexa! Wait!” The blonde ran after Lexa who was already almost out of the room. The brunette looked at her expectantly which made Clarke even more nervous than she already was. She tried to tell herself that everything was going to work out fine but having run this situation through her head over and over again she was incredibly anxious. Since she was lost in her thoughts, Clarke forgot that she was supposed to tell Lexa why she had to wait. So after a minute of silence Lexa stepped in: “Uhm, Clarke, did you have anything to say since you wanted me to wait?” The blonde immediately blushed. “Right, sorry... Well, I was wondering if maybe you would want to have lunch with me? I mean we could celebrate that we are done with our project.” Clarke smiled sheepishly. 

 

The blonde couldn't stand the silence that came up after she was done talking, since Lexa didn't answer right away, so she started rambling: “Of course it's no problem if you don't want to. I totally understand if you have already got plans or if you just don't think having lunch with me would be a fun thing to do. It was just a spontaneous idea. I...” Lexa chuckled. Clarke stopped talking and looked down. A small smile crept on the brunette's face. “I'd be very happy to go have lunch with you, Clarke.” The blonde's had snapped up. Had the brunette really said that? She looked in sincere-looking green eyes. A smile spread across her face. “Okay! Let's go then, shall we?” Lexa smiled back and nodded. They went out the door. 

 

“So where do you want to go?”, Clarke asked. She knew where she wanted to go – her favorite place on campus – a small Italian restaurant that served delicious food but was also not as crowded as other places. A little privacy couldn't hurt right? Lexa seemed to think about this question for a while. “Do you know this little Italian place near the library?”, the brunette asked. Clarke smiled the biggest smile. “Yes, I love it there.” Lexa nodded in agreement. “Okay let's go there then.” The two of them started making their way to the restaurant, talking about their presentation. They talked so much they didn't even notice how quickly they walked until they were standing in front of the Italian restaurant. Clarke smiled. She was excited for their meal. All her nervousness had faded away after Lexa had agreed to have lunch with her and she was back to her usual, bubbly self. She flashed the brunette the widest smile. “Let's go inside”, Clarke suggested as Lexa smiled back at her. “Yes, let's get something to eat. I am starving.” So they both made their way inside. 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

** Lexa  **

 

After we had been given a table, Clarke excused herself to go to the bathroom. This gave me a chance to think about what had just happened. I couldn't believe Clarke asked me to go have lunch with her. I mean, I knew that it wasn't a big deal. She probably had had lunch with many people that she wasn't friends with but thing was I hadn't. But I was even more surprised that I said yes. I mean of course I wanted to spend time with Clarke but I had made up my mind to keep my distance. 

 

And having lunch with her would make my plan impossibly difficult. I was very much aware that I couldn't fill a whole meal with talk about school. So this meant that we would have to talk about more personal things eventually and I really didn't want that. This whole thought process lead to me beginning to freak out. Fortunately, Clarke came back from the bathroom right then, because otherwise I would probably just left since I was so anxious. 

 

After we ordered our drinks, Clarke started a conversation again. “So...”, I expected her to ask me about what I did in my free time or something like that so I tensed up, but the blonde continued: “Your favorite class is psychology, right? What are you doing in it at the moment?” I relaxed. I really did love that class and could have talked about it forever but I was trying to keep it short so that I wouldn't bore Clarke. She seemed pretty interested though. She kept asking questions until I began to tell her longer stories about the class and psychology in general. After that we talked about her favorite class – art – and the rest of our classes. 

 

The whole lunch was going pretty smoothly and we had actually kept on talking about school until we got to desserts. When I had asked Clarke if she wanted to get some, she had been super happy. The blonde had told me about how she loved them but that she always felt weird getting dessert as the only one on the table so she rarely did. 'At least one thing I had done right', I thought to myself. After that we were quiet for a while, while we were eating our desserts. Once we were finished and asked for the check, Clarke started to talk again. “I really enjoyed having lunch with you, Lexa.” I blushed a little and looked down, so the blonde continued. “The thing is since now the project is over we won't really see each other around anymore and I am kinda sad about that because I really had fun spending time with you, so I thought maybe we could you know meet up for a coffee once in a while. Of course only if you want to. I know college can be stressful so if you don't have time, I understand.” Clarke stopped rambling and smiled shyly. She was really cute when she was nervous. 

* * *

 

** Clarke **

 

As Clarke was waiting for Lexa's answer she grew more and more nervous. The lunch had been going so great that she had worked up all her courage and asked the brunette to meet again. She had indeed really enjoyed talking to Lexa. She loved when the brunette really started to tell her something about a subject she was passionate about. The blonde enjoyed how Lexa's eyes lit up during those talks. Since the brunette had been so comfortable with talking about school and seemed to pretty relax during their time together, Clarke had done everything to make sure that they stayed on that topic and it seemed to have worked. 

 

But now Clarke wasn't so sure anymore. Maybe she had read all the signs wrong and Lexa hadn't actually enjoyed their lunch as much as Clarke had. The brunette seemed to be deep in thought. After sitting there in silence for a while and having grown super anxious, the blonde decided she had to speak up again. “Lexa? It's really okay, if you don't want to. Don't worry about it.” She tried to smile politely but she doubted it was working. She was just too disappointed. Her words seemed to have pulled Lexa out of her thoughts. The brunette shook her head. Then she saw the disappointment in Clarke's eyes. “Sorry! I was thinking. But I would really love to meet up for coffee some time soon.” 

 

Clarke's smile widened into a real one but she wasn't able to let herself be happy just yet. “Are you sure? You didn't really seem so fond of the idea at first. Like I said, it's totally fine...” Lexa interrupted her: “Yes, Clarke, I am 100% sure. If you want to we can set up a date and time right now.” Now Clarke finally beamed. “I'd love that.” They decided to meet a few days later after school in Clarke's favorite coffee shop. After making plans and paying for their meals, they walked outside. 

 

“So I'll see you soon.”, Lexa said with her lips curling into a small smile. Clarke nodded happily. “Yes! I am looking forward to it. Bye Lexa!” She turned around and started to walk away smiling to herself. 

* * *

 

** Lexa **

 

I watched Clarke as she walked away with a smile on my face but then reality of what just happened came crashing in. I had said yes to meeting her again. When she had asked, I had searched for a way to politely decline her invitation without hurting her but when I saw the disappointment in her beautiful blue eyes it felt like it was crushing me. I couldn't hurt her, so I said yes. 

 

Now I could have beaten myself up for it. I had promised myself to stay distant. Meeting up regularly with somebody isn't keeping your distance and I knew that but it was Clarke and I would have done anything for her. It would always be that way. 

 

I told myself how stupid I was over and over again on my way to my dorm but a smile crept on my face again and again. When I thought of the meeting in the coffee shop, I was extremely nervous but surprisingly excited at the same. Two feelings that both just got stronger the closer the day of meeting with Clarke again came. I had only known Clarke for a few months but she had already changed my life – I just didn't know if it was for the better or for the worse yet. 

 


	11. Chapter 11

** Lexa  **

 

If I would always feel this sick before meeting Clarke, I really couldn't do it often. I was standing in front of the coffee shop with sweaty hands and my heart was pounding so loud, I was able to hear it in my ears. I opened the door slowly and stepped into the room, looking around for Clarke. She seemed to be running late so I sat down at a table by the window. 

 

I watched the people walking by. Most of them seemed to be in a hurry, probably wanting to get back to their dorms as quickly as possible since it looked like it was going to start raining any minute now. Of course I hadn't thought of bringing an umbrella or a jacket since I had been so busy worrying about how this meeting would go. I just hoped the storm would be over by the time I would leave this coffee shop. 

 

Right then the door was opened again and Clarke came in. Her face was flushed and she was breathing heavily. It seemed like she had been running. As soon as she spotted me, she started smiling and made her way to where I was sitting. “Hey, Lexa! I am so sorry I am late. My teacher just didn't want to end class because you know, he had to get the topic done today.” She rolled her eyes and dropped down on the seat across me. I smiled. “Don't worry about it.” Clarke nodded thankfully. Then she looked at the empty table. “You know you could have gotten something to drink while you waited.” I was confused for a second. Then I realized that I had actually forgotten to order something since I had been so deep in thought. I could feel myself blushing. 'Who forgets things that are so obvious? Clarke must think I am an idiot', I thought to myself. But Clarke didn't seem bothered at all. “Actually that's perfect because then I am going to get our drinks and yours is on me.” I wanted to protest, but Clarke was already gone. 

 

I watched her stand in line, staring at the menu on the big board. She seemed to be in deep thought about what she should order. That was when I realized that she hadn't even asked me what I wanted. Oh well. I honestly didn't really care. When Clarke came back she was carrying two big steaming cups. “I didn't even ask you what you wanted I am so sorry.” She looked a little bit embarrassed for a second. “When I noticed my mistake, I was already at the front of the line so I didn't want to get out of it again and ask you. I got you a hot chocolate but if you want something else I can get it for you.” She smiled sheepishly, which made me chuckle. “No, I love hot chocolate. It was the perfect choice.”

* * *

 

 

** Clarke  **

 

Clarke couldn't believe she hadn't asked Lexa what she wanted and even thought the brunette seemed to be fine with her choice she was still embarrassed. Whenever she was around Lexa her brain just stopped working all together. They had fallen into an awkward silence. Clarke knew she had to be the one to speak up, so she asked Lexa about her day. The brunette told her about her classes and how she got annoyed by her professor, because he had told her to change the topic of her paper again. 

 

Clarke listen attentively and made sure Lexa was aware of that, asking questions at the appropriate times. She loved hearing the brunette talk and was also a little bit proud of herself that she could get Lexa to talk for a while. She knew that it was something special. 

 

When Lexa was done talking, it was Clarke's turn telling more about her day. Nothing special had happened but she felt like she could tell Lexa the most random things and it wouldn't bore her. Their conversation flowed easily. Both girls were content with being together, talking like that but the atmosphere shifted once they were done talking about school. The silence between them became really uncomfortable. Lexa tensed up, looking at the clock. She seemed to consider if it would be impolite to leave after just twenty minutes. Clarke definitely didn't want her to leave but she didn't know about which topic they could talk now. The last time she had tried to talk to Lexa about more personal things, she had started to distance herself and Clarke definitely didn't want that to happen again.

 

After sitting there for a few more minutes, Clarke sighed. She didn't have any idea how to get out of this situation so she decided that the only way, she could handle it was by telling the truth. “So Lexa, I know that you don't really like to talk about personal stuff but I really don't know what else we could talk about and I don't want to go yet. Uhm, well, maybe you could tell me something about which you want to talk.” She tried to smile at Lexa, but the other girl just looked at her hands. Her head was red and she just shrugged. Clarke didn't know what to do. She really liked Lexa and she knew that if they would leave now, they wouldn't meet up again. 

 

Suddenly she got an idea. “How about I suggest some topics and you tell me yes or no?” She smiled genuinely at Lexa, wanting to let her know that it was totally okay if she didn't want to talk about certain things. Lexa looked up at her and nodded, still looking very tense. “Yes, we can try that.” Now Clarke thoughts started racing. She knew that talking about friends and family probably wouldn't be such a good idea. She thought of suggesting hobbies as a topic, but then it seemed really wide so she decided to be more specific. “What about sports? Do you do or watch any sports?” Lexa shrugged. “Not really, except for the usual morning run.” They talked a little about where Lexa liked to jog and about Clarke's stance towards sports. She was definitely not athletic at all but she loved watching them. After that they grew silent again.

* * *

 

 

** Lexa **

 

I hated the silence as much as Clarke did – I could see it in her eyes. But I really didn't know what to talk about. I had known that it would turn out this way – sitting around in uncomfortable silence until Clarke would finally give up on me. But obviously we weren't at that point yet because Clarke still seemed to search for a topic. 

 

After a few more minutes had passed, her face lit up. She seemed to have an idea. “What about books? I mean, do you like reading? I have seen you around in the cafeteria with books.” I was thinking about this. I basically liked to read everything. 'I might have to leave out the lesbian love stories but except from that books could work as our next topic.' I nodded. “Yes, I do like reading. A lot actually.” A smile spread on Clarke's face and her body seemed to relax, which automatically lead to me relaxing a little bit too. 

 

Books turned out to be the best topic Clarke could have chosen. We talked about our favorite books and what we were reading at the moment. The blonde seemed to be incredibly interested in every book I told her about. She looked like she was making mental notes about which ones she wanted to read too. I couldn't blame her, since I was basically doing the same,. I was a firm believer that you could figure out a lot about a person by their taste in books. 

 

Time passed so quickly, that we were really surprised when Clarke's stomach started growling. We looked at the clock for the first time in a while and realized that 2 hours had passed. Clarke looked surprised, then she seemed to remember something. “Oh shit, I should be meeting some friends for dinner in an hour and I still have to get my school stuff to my dorm.” I smiled, trying to hide my disappointment. I was sure I imagined it but a similar disappointed smile passed Clarke's face. Then I had an idea. For the first time, I really took the initiative. “Do you want me to walk you to your dorm?” Clarke beamed. “I would love that!”, she answered. 

 

We kept talking about books until we were standing in front of Clarke's dorm. The walk had only felt like seconds even though it had taken us almost 20 minutes. It could have definitely been longer for my likening. Clarke turned around and faced me. “Well, here we are.”, I said trying to smile again. She nodded but didn't say anything for a while. Then she looked up again, smiling shyly. “The thing is, I really like meeting up and talking to you. I love to hear you tell me things and I would be very sad if this was the last time that we do that. So uhm...” She looked nervously at her feet and took a deep breath. Then she looked back up right into my eyes. I saw the insecurity in hers. “I just thought that maybe we could make this a regular thing? I mean obviously only if you want to.” A smile spread on my face. “I'd love that.” She looked surprised but then beamed at me. “Same time, same place on Tuesdays and Thursdays?”, Clarke suggested. I nodded. “Yes, that would be perfect.” We said goodbye and both of us walked away smiling at ourselves. I would have been lying if I would say that I was just happy about it. I was worried to death that we would get to the point of awkward silence again but for still the excitement outweighed it. 

 

So from that day on we started meeting twice a week. And just like that Tuesdays and Thursdays became my favorite days, which I was looking forward to all week. 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got a little bit longer than usual. Hope you guys don't mind. 
> 
> I am going on vacation this weekend. I'll try to get one more chapter in before that but if I don't get to it, you'll probably get the next chapter in about 1,5 weeks. I hope you guys don't mind the long wait too much!

** Lexa **

 

Over the next weeks every time we met, our talks got better and better. Clarke started to test out other topics like music as well and I was fine with talking about all the things she suggested. I was surprised by myself but I started opening up to her. She was incredibly empathetic, immediately sensing when I didn't want to talk about something and then changing the topic. We hadn't talked about family or friends yet. I knew Clarke would never pressure me to talk about them either. I had started to trust her that much. 

 

During our meetings I had also learned that Clarke was extremely touchy with her friends. She hugged me 'Hello' and 'Goodbye' any time we met and she was always casually touching my hand or arm. I hated to admit it to myself but every time she touched me, I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. My skin was burning long after she had stopped touching me. I loved that feeling. 

 

Deep down in my head I knew how dangerous these feelings were. How I was doing the opposite of what I had promised myself to do – staying away from people but I couldn't help it. I knew that I would hurt her if I distanced myself again and there was no way I was going to let that happen. 

 

Since two weeks Clarke had started to beg me to meet her best friend, Octavia. Obviously I said no. It was weird enough that Clarke had somehow decided to like me but her best friend definitely wouldn't. Basically everybody on campus disliked me and I was sure that Octavia wanted better friends for Clarke then me. 

 

I hadn't really expected Clarke to be so persistent. She not only wove it into every talk I had with her but she also sent me what felt like hundreds of text messages saying that Octavia was dying to meet me. So at some point I gave in. I had been so annoyed when Clarke brought it up again that I told her: “I'll meet Octavia just to be able to say I told you so when it goes badly.” Clarke of course completely disregarded the last part of my sentence. 

 

So that was the reason why I was checking my hair in my mirror for the hundredth time before leaving my dorm. I hadn't been so nervous since meeting Clarke in the coffee shop for the first time. I knew I shouldn't really have cared about Octavia's opinion of me. I didn't really care about what the whole student body thought of me actually, but she was Clarke's friend so I couldn't help it. 

* * *

 

** Clarke **

 

Everything was going so great with Lexa and Clarke was incredibly happy. That is why she might have talked a little bit more about Lexa than what would have been normal. Of course Octavia wanted to meet her immediately. The blonde had tried to tell Octavia that Lexa wasn't really a people-person and definitely not ready to meet her but she wouldn't listen. She got so on Clarke's nerves that she had decided to ask Lexa about it. Of course she said no and Clarke had planned to accept her decision but then she had realized her birthday was coming up. She definitely wanted to celebrate it with Lexa but because her friends had been planning a party for her for months already, she knew she couldn't ditch them. That meant she had to get Lexa to come to her party. So she had the idea that it would be easier if Lexa at least knew a few people that would be there. 

 

That's why she gave in to Octavia's begging and decided to convince Lexa. Eventually she managed to do so – she hadn't really believed that she would be successful anymore since she knew how uncomfortable Lexa was with the whole situation. 

 

This was the reason why by now Clarke was basically freaking out. She was in her room with Octavia, trying to choose what to wear. The brunette seemed completely relaxed, sitting on Clarke's bed, while the blonde couldn't stop running around in the room. 

 

“What if you won't like her, O? Or what if she doesn't like you? What if we just sit there staring at each other in complete silence?” Clarke panicked. Octavia chuckled. “Clarke, calm down. First of all, from what you are telling me she sounds amazing, so I will definitely like her. Secondly, you are there and you are great with conversation. We won't sit there in silence. And third of all, what do you mean what if she doesn't like me. Everybody loves me.” She stuck her tongue out at Clarke. The blonde smiled thankfully. “Okay, okay. I get it. I am acting like an idiot.” She had put her clothes on by now, standing in front of the mirror to check how she looked for the hundredth time. O walked over to Clarke and turned her around. The blonde faced her best friend with a nervous smile. “It's okay. That's how everybody acts when they have a crush.” Clarke blushed but didn't have it in her to protest. She knew that Octavia would see right through her. The brunette hugged her best friend. “It will be great. I promise I am on my best behavior.” 

 

Clarke was thankful that her friend was so understanding. After a last check in the mirror, they walked out of Clarke's room. They had decided to meet up at a restaurant near Clarke's dorm, so the walk wasn't long. Both girls were silently walking next to each other. Clarke was still stressing out, her hands getting sweaty but deep down she knew that it would somehow work out. They reached the restaurant with a few minutes to spare. 

 

Octavia had an idea. “What about this? I will go in and wait at our table. Then you two have the chance to calm each other down a little bit before I am meeting her.” Clarke smiled and nodded. “Thanks, O. You are the best!”, she called after her best friend before Octavia disappeared inside the restaurant. 

* * *

 

** Lexa **

 

I saw Clarke standing at the entrance of the restaurant with her back turned towards me. She was alone, which confused me. When I reached her, I tapped her shoulder so she would notice that I was there. “Hey, Clarke!” I smiled. “Oh hi, Lexa!” We hugged as she returned my smile. Then I remembered that there was something wrong with the situation. “Where is Octavia?”, I asked. 

 

Clarke seemed to think my confused look was funny. She let out a small laugh before answering: “She is waiting inside so that we could talk for a minute before you two are meeting.” I was pleasantly surprised. Even though I was still super nervous to meet her, I already felt a little bit calmer. Especially since Clarke was by my side. 

 

“So are you ready to go in?”, she asked with an anxious smile on her lips. I nodded and we made our way inside side by side. Octavia was sitting at a table near the windows, smiling when she saw us coming. “So you must be the Lexa that Clarke talks about all the time. It's very nice to meet you.”, Octavia said as we approached her which earned her a slap on the arm from Clarke. I chuckled. “Nice to meet you too, Octavia.” I offered her my hand, about which she seemed to think for a second. Then she slightly shook her head and pulled me into a hug. I was surprised so I stiffened a bit. Octavia laughed lightly. “Believe me, we'll see each other a lot in the future. You might as well get used to it now.” I wasn't so sure what the brunette meant by that. But when I saw Clarke shooting me an apologetic and at the same time anxious look, I relaxed a little bit. I could see how much it meant to her so I wanted this to go over well. 

 

All of us sat down. I was afraid that an awkward silence would come up but Clarke immediately started talking. “Oh my gosh, I need to tell you guys what my professor did today. It was crazy!” And that's how Clarke started telling us a story about how they had to watch mice for the entire class and describe their behavior and apparently they were supposed to figure out differences between the mice but they didn't. After that Clarke asked how our days had been and we talked a lot about school and random stuff. 

 

Octavia seemed to be interested in whatever I was talking about but obviously Clarke had told her not to ask too many questions because I could see the curiosity in her eyes but every time she started a question Clarke lightly nudged her and the brunette changed the topic. While talking and having dinner, I started to relax more and more. Apparently my worries about Octavia had been totally unnecessary. She laughed at my jokes and was pretty funny herself. 

 

It was going so great that after dinner Clarke obviously felt comfortable enough to excuse herself to go to the bathroom, leaving us alone. I tensed up again. If Octavia had just pretended to like me before for Clarke's sake, I would find out about it now. Octavia's attitude seemed to shift indeed. I prepared myself for the worst. “Well, since we are alone now, we can talk honestly. Are you okay with that, Lexa?” She looked serious and I just nodded, too scared to speak up. “Okay. Well the thing is, you seem like a really nice girl and I really like you but I am not sure Clarke and you are really on the same page." That definitely wasn't something I had expected to hear. But also what did she mean by Clarke and I being on different pages. She seemed to see the confusion in my face. The brunette sighed and then continued speaking: “Clarke will kill me if she finds out that I talked with you about this, so please don't tell her, but I am her best friend and I want to protect her.” I just nodded silently, so Octavia kept on going. “Clarke really likes you and she is hoping that the friendship between you two will develop into something more. I just want you to know that and if you don't feel the same way about her, please tell her. I don't want her to get her hopes up and then be let down.” 

 

Right at this moment Clarke came back to the table. “Did you two have a nice talk while I was gone?” Octavia smiled and nodded. “We got to know each other better. It was really fun. Right Lexa?” I nodded again. Apparently I had lost my voice because of the shock. We paid the bill and went outside the restaurant. Octavia turned towards me. “It was very nice meeting you, Lexa. I hope we will see each other again soon.” She smiled and pulled me into an embrace. Then she whispered in my ear: “Please think about it.” I nodded. “Yes, see you soon Octavia.” I tried to smile at her. Then Clarke and I hugged. “I hope it was okay?”, she asked me silently. I swallowed. I was still barely able to stop focusing on what Octavia had said and instead talk to Clarke but I had to try. So I nodded. “It was great. You really don't have to worry Clarke.” When we pulled apart, she looked happy and relieved. We said our goodbyes and parted our ways. 

 

On my way home, I couldn't stop thinking about what Octavia had told me. I mean I had hoped that Clarke liked me but every time that thought had really come into my mind I was sure to push it back as far as possible. I wasn't going to get hurt because of senseless hope. But now that Octavia had said it, I wasn't so sure if it Clarke liking me was such a long shot after all. 

 

I spent the rest of the night thinking about it – analyzing every interaction we had ever had and if it really could be true because by now I knew one thing for sure. I liked Clarke more than I wanted to. 

* * *

 

** Clarke **

 

Clarke was basically skipping while she was walking with Octavia to her dorm. “So what do you think, O? Isn't she great?” The brunette chuckled. “Yes, Lexa seemed really nice. I like her.” The blonde beamed. 

 

That evening they met up with the rest of their friend group. “So, guess what we did today?”, Octavia asked her friends while smirking. They all looked curious. “Come on, just tell us, O.”, Raven said, while nudging the other girl. “Clarke do you want to tell it or should I?”, Octavia asked her best friend. 

 

Clarke was already blushing by now. She hadn't told her friends about the meeting because she was afraid that it wouldn't go well. She was also aware that Raven definitely would have insisted on coming along if she would have known and she didn't want Lexa to have to handle meeting her two best friends at the same time. 

 

Since Clarke stayed quiet, Octavia decided to tell their friends but she wanted to keep them in suspense for a while. “Well, we met somebody.” Her smirk was getting bigger. Bellamy jumped in: “O, could you please stop playing games.” Octavia rolled her eyes. “Come on guys, it's not that hard. Who could we have met that it is kinda a big deal?” Lincoln, Monty and Jasper, who were also there, just shrugged but Raven suddenly got the hint. “OMG, no you didn't! Clarke, tell me you guys didn't meet who I think you did and didn't take me with you!”

 

Clarke kept her head down. She spoke silently: “I am sorry Raven, but I don't think she could have handled meeting you both at once.” Raven sighed. She tried to be mad but then her curiosity won over her hurt. “Okay fine. But I am the next one to meet her.” Clarke looked up and smiled relieved. “Of course you are!” 

 

Bellamy cleared his throat. “You guys are aware that rest of this table has no idea what you are talking about, right?” The girls looked in the confused faces of the rest of their friends and started laughing. The boys were just shaking their heads. When Raven calmed down, she started sympathizing with the rest of the group and decided to explain to them what was going on. “Octavia and Clarke have met up with Lexa today.” Their friends finally seemed to get it. Now that everybody was on the same page, they all wanted to know the details about their dinner, so Clarke and Octavia told them all about it. 

 

The whole friend group seemed to be happy for Clarke until Bellamy jumped up. “I can't take you guys talking like this any longer. We all know that Clarke is too good for her.”, he said coldly before walking out of the store. Clarke looked after him worriedly but her friends told her not to worry. “He will get it. My brother has always been a little bit slow.”, Octavia said with a wink. Clarke smiled thankfully at her friend. After that they discussed other topics and when they left the bar, Clarke just felt happy. Everything seemed to be working out great. She couldn't believe it but at this moment she didn't want to worry about what could go wrong. She just wanted to enjoy her happiness. 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not writing for so long and now only giving you this super short chapter, which isn't even a whole chapter really. I am just so busy at the moment with finding a place to live for college that I didn't get more done today. I'll definitely add Clarke's PoV about what's happening as soon as I can, but I didn't want to make you guys wait any longer. Sorry!

** Lexa **

 

 

At first I had been happy and hopeful about what Octavia had said – even though I would have never admitted that but the more I thought about it and over-analyzed the worse my feelings got.

 

I wanted to believe what Octavia had told me. I really did. But my anxiety got in my way. So the day after meeting her I had convinced myself that Clarke and her friends were just making fun of me. Clarke had probably been in on the plan all along and had been laughing about my naivete with her friends. I was convinced I had figured out the truth, because anything else wouldn't make sense, right? I mean, why exactly should Clarke really and truthfully like me?!

 

I felt terrible – not only because I had really believed that Clarke had been honest but mainly because I wanted it to be true so badly. Since I was convinced that I had been making a fool of myself this whole time, I decided it was time to end this thing – whatever this thing was. 

 

So with that plan in my mind I started ignoring Clarke altogether. I stopped coming to our regular meetings in the coffee shop. I ignored her texts and calls and made sure to walk in the opposite direction whenever I spotted her or one of her friends. 

 

But while I was pretty good at avoiding her physically, mentally it wasn't so easy. I had known that Clarke had grown on me but it still took me by surprise how much I missed her. I started to have serious trouble sleeping. No matter what I did the blonde was always on my mind but there was no going back. 

 

I told myself that she most likely didn't mind that I ended our contact at all. Of course she tried to call and text me all the time but the reason for that was obvious wasn't it? She had to keep up the pretense. 

 

But what I was most worked up about, was how I had been anywhere close to content with my life before meeting Clarke. Now being alone and not interacting with anybody drove me crazy, even though I had been used to it for two years. 

 

I started to wish that I could go back to not knowing that Clarke and her friends were making a fool of me. I just couldn't help it. I'd rather still have been naive and stupid but with Clarke in my life than to know the truth but with that also having lost her. Because that's what happened. I had lost her without even having had her really. 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is way longer, probably the longest I have written yet, so I hope it makes up for the last one and not writing for so long. I am also definitely feeling that one a lot more than the last one.

** Clarke **

 

The night after their meeting, Clarke had gone home entirely happy, even though Bellamy had freaked out. She just didn't care about her friend at that moment. Everything was perfect for her. As soon as Clarke was laying in her bed, she took out her phone. She wanted to write Lexa, to tell her how happy she was but she couldn't find the right words. The blonde didn't want to be pushy, but also clear about her feelings. So eventually she just gave up. Clarke guessed that Lexa had felt how happy she was about how their dinner went anyway. 'It was really obvious, right?' With these thoughts in her mind and a smile on her face, Clarke fell asleep. 

 

The next day was a Wednesday, so Clarke didn't expect to meet up with Lexa that day, but she still wanted to talk to her. Especially to make sure, that the brunette had really felt as good about the meeting as Clarke had. 

 

“Hey Lexa! Just wanted to tell you again, that I am really glad that yesterday worked out that well. Hope you feel the same way! If not tell me... Btw Octavia absolutely loved you. So nothing to worry about. I am looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Love, Clarke” - sent, 11:30 am 

 

Two hours later Clarke started to feel that something wasn't right. Lexa usually always replied almost immediately – something that Clarke appreciated a lot but today she still hadn't heard anything from the brunette. But the blonde pushed her worries away. Lexa was probably just busy. Even though it didn't happen often, this wasn't the first time that she hadn't replied in a few hours. 

 

But by the evening, Clarke was really worried. This had never happened before. She was freaking out when she heard a knock on her door. Even though she knew that it wouldn't be Lexa – the brunette had only been to her room once and that was right at the beginning when she cleared up their misunderstanding – her heart skipped a beat before she called in the person waiting in front of her door. 

 

“Oh hey Reyes!”, Clarke said, putting a smile on to hide her disappointment. But of course Raven saw right through it. “Well, somebody is excited to see me.”, she said sarcastically before she slumped down on Clarke's bed. “Sorry, of course I am happy that you are here, it's just...” The blonde stopped talking. She didn't want to bother her friend with something as ridiculous as worrying just because Lexa hadn't replied in awhile. “Come on Griffin. Spill it!” Clarke shook her head and looked down at her hands. “It is really stupid.” Raven shook her head slightly. “It might be but it's got you all worked up. I can see that and you are my best friend, so I still want to hear about it. Maybe we can solve it together?” She offered her friend a supportive smile. 

 

Clarke sighed. Fine maybe talking about it would help to calm down her nerves. “It's just... I sent Lexa a message this morning and she still hasn't replied. I know she could be all kinds of busy but usually she always answers right away. I mean what if the meeting with Octavia went worse than I thought? What if something really bad happened and I just didn't notice it?” The blonde dropped her head in her hands. She just wanted these thoughts to stop. 

 

Raven moved closer to Clarke, patting her back. “I am sure, it's nothing bad. O and you were so happy about yesterday. I don't think that it was going any worse than you two think. I am sure Lexa has a good reason for not answering you right now.” Clarke looked up and smiled at her friend. “Thanks Raven.” But she was just as worried as before and her best friend noticed, of course. “You'll see her tomorrow in the coffee shop anyway, right?” The blonde nodded. “See, you can ask her what was up then and now we are going to go watch a movie with the rest of the gang.” Clarke wanted to decline the offer. She just wasn't in the mood, but before she could say anything Raven had already gotten up from the bed. “This wasn't a suggestion, Griffin. You need some distraction. You've got five minutes to get ready. I'll wait in front of your dorm.” And with that she went out of the door. Clarke went to the movies with her friends, but she couldn't focus on the movie or as a matter of fact on anything. Her thoughts were always drifting back to why Lexa wasn't replying. 

 

When Clarke was getting ready for meeting Lexa in the coffee shop at the usual time the next day, she was nervous as hell. She still hadn't heard anything from the brunette and she was really scared what this was about but at the same time she was happy that she would figure it out today. 

 

It didn't even occur to her that Lexa not coming was a possibility until she had been waiting in the coffee shop for over 30 minutes. She was staring at the door, hoping that she would see the brunette walk through it but no such luck. Clarke felt miserable. She was going over the last time she saw Lexa over and over again. 'Did she do anything wrong? Did Lexa not like Octavia? Was there anything that didn't go right ?' But she just couldn't figure anything out. She was so disappointed in Lexa. Even if something had gone wrong, the brunette could have talked to her about it but obviously she just decided to shut her out for good. Clarke left the coffee shop defeated an hour later in order to hide in her room. She didn't want to be around anybody right now. 

 

It didn't take long until Raven called her though, adding Octavia to the conversation quickly. Clarke couldn't lie to her best friends, so she told them that Lexa didn't show up. Both girls were over in no time. All three of them talked everything through again, but none of them had any idea, what could have caused Lexa's behavior. 

 

The next days went on like this. Clarke tried to call and text Lexa numerous times – apologizing for whatever she did wrong and asking to talk. She also still kept coming to the coffee shop at their usual time, hoping that Lexa would show up eventually. Clarke even went to Lexa's dorm room but nobody opened up the door. 

 

It all crushed Clarke to say the least. She just couldn't go back to her happy, bubbly self. She barely talked with her friends anymore and spent more time in her room than she had in months. Lexa had been and was still so important to her and she had felt like the brunette liked spending time with her too. She just couldn't understand how Lexa could just give it all up because of a reason that was apparently not obvious, since Clarke couldn't figure it out. Clarke had lost her before anything could have really started and that made everything else worse. 

 

Clarke's friends tried to get through to her but failed. The blonde wasn't hanging out with them anymore – only sitting with them at lunch, because they refused to let her go back to her room during that time. But Octavia and Raven were far from giving up. They came by every afternoon. Sometimes Clarke didn't even open the door for them, so they just sat in the hallway until the blonde was giving up and let them in. 

 

It had been two weeks since the meeting and all three girls were sitting on Clarke's bed. Raven and Octavia were going over the evening of Lexa's and Octavia's meeting again to make sure they hadn't missed anything. O still hadn't told Clarke about the talk with Lexa, especially since she didn't consider it to be relevant as to why Lexa had started to disappear from Clarke's life but that night it suddenly just clicked. 

 

They were still going over what happened during that dinner, when Octavia suddenly stopped talking and turned white. Her eyes grew wide. Raven was confused. “O, are you okay?” When the brunette didn't answer, her friends started to become even more concerned. “Are you hurting? Do you need a doctor? Octavia please talk to me.” Even Clarke sat up straight, looking at her friend worriedly. 

 

Octavia slowly turned to Clarke. She looked as scared as she could be. “It's my fault, Clarke.” She whispered. The blonde was even more confused by now, as was Raven. “I don't understand a word. What is your fault, O?” But the brunette just shook her head and whispered, “It's my fault. I ruined it.”, over and over again until Raven stepped in. 

 

She grabbed Octavia by her shoulders and turned her around, so the two were facing each other. Even though Raven had didn't know, what Octavia had done, she apparently had some sort of feeling, since she asked: “It's about Lexa, isn't it?” Octavia could just nod. Clarke was sitting there shocked. What could her best friend have done and why hadn't she told her before? She wanted to be angry, but at this point she just needed to know what was going on. Everything else could be figured out later. 

 

“Octavia, please talk to me. What happened? I promise I'll try to understand whatever it is. Just please. I need to know.”, Clarke's voice broke. This lead Octavia to turn back around to the blonde. “I am so sorry, Clarke. You need to believe me, if I had had any idea that it had anything to do with it, I would have told you immediately. But I just didn't get it. Not until now.” Clarke nodded, but kept quiet, so Octavia went on. “During the dinner, when you went to the bathroom, I decided to talk to Lexa about you two. I just wanted to protect you from getting hurt, I promise. You know how much you mean to me and I was so afraid that she would break your heart. And..” Clarke cut Octavia off calmly: “What did you say to her?” The brunette swallowed hard. “I told her that she means a lot to you and that you like her and that she should tell you if she felt differently, because anything else wouldn't be fair to you.” 

 

She looked at the blonde, who was now staring intently at her hands. “Clarke, I am really sorry. I just thought it was the right thing to do and I knew you would have been mad, so I didn't tell you.” Clarke looked up with her friend with tears in her eyes. Her voice was barely more than a whisper when she began to speak: “It's fine. You didn't mean to cause anything bad with it. I know you were just looking out for me.” A tear ran down her cheek. “Just tell me right away next time.” Octavia nodded. “Of course! I am so sorry.” Clarke just nodded. 

 

Then she sighed. “Well, it's pretty obvious what happened now. She didn't feel like I did and that's why she distanced herself. She probably didn't want to have to talk about our feelings and I guess she would have been super uncomfortable around me from that point on anyway. Maybe it's for the best though. At least I know that it was a hopeless crush now.” Tears were streaming down Clarke's face by now. Octavia pulled her in for a hug. “We'll get through this together. I love you Clarke, you know that right?” Clarke nodded. “Thanks O!” She had already forgiven her friend, not having the strength to be angry at her at this point in time. 

 

Raven had been unusually quiet during the whole conversation. While the other two friends were hugging, she seemed to be in deep thought. Then she started shaking her head. “That's not it.”, she said quietly. Clarke looked at her through the tears. “What are you talking about Raven?” Octavia let go off Clarke and turned to her other best friend as well. “What's not it?” Raven looked at both of them surprised as if she hadn't realized that she was with them. Then she started to explain: “The reason for Lexa to ignore you. I don't think that she does it because she doesn't like you.” Clarke laughed bitterly. “Raven, it makes perfect sense. I mean it's nice that you are trying to tell me that it's something else but we all know that this is the only explanation that makes sense.” 

 

Now a small smile crept on Raven's face. Clarke was even more confused. She didn't expect her friend to be smiling while all of this was happening. “Okay, you two let me explain my theory and then if it really doesn't make sense you can go back to believing yours.” Her two friends nodded reluctantly, so Raven started explaining. “Well, the other day I heard Lexa talk on her phone. I hid as quickly as I could, because you know how she is always running away from us. Well so anyway, I guess she talked to her sister or something. At least it sounded like it and she talked about how somebody fooled her and how everybody is making fun of her now and that she definitely isn't reading too much into it.” 

 

Raven stopped looking expectantly at her two best friends, but both of them were looking at her more confused then ever. “Reyes, I have no idea where you are going with this, but could you come to the point please?”, Clarke begged. Raven shook her head in disbelieve. “Gosh guys. It's so obvious, but okay let me explain it to you. You remember how Lexa didn't want to work together with you because she thought she wasn't good enough? Well, what if she still thinks that way?” The other two still didn't look like they got. Raven sighed. “You guys are really oblivious, aren't you? My theory is that Lexa didn't believe Octavia. She never believed that Clarke could like her because of how different you two are and now when Octavia told her that Clarke did indeed wanted more than friendship, for her it just looked like you two were making a fool of her. Making her believe that Clarke likes her and then laughing about how she could really believe that it was true.” She paused to make sure that her friends were still following her. 

 

Octavia spoke up first. “So you mean, she ignores Clarke, because she indeed likes her but doesn't want to make a fool of herself?” Raven smirked. “Exactly!” Then she looked to Clarke: “What do you think? Convinced that it might be the right explanation?” The blonde didn't answer immediately. Even though she was afraid to believe Raven's theory – what if Reyes was wrong? It would break Clarke's heart again – she had to admit to herself that it seemed to make perfect sense. It would have also meant that her feelings about Lexa also liking her at least a little bit would have been right. So she nodded. “Yeah, I guess that might be true.” A smile slowly crept on her face. Octavia nudged her. “You know what that means, right? You can get her back.” Clarke nodded slowly, only realizing now that Octavia was right. It didn't have to be over. “I can get her back”, she repeated quietly to herself. The only question left unanswered was, how she would do that. 

 


	15. Chapter 15

** Clarke **

 

Clarke and her friends had been debating all night about the best way to get Lexa to understand that they weren't making a fool of her but they didn't really manage to come up with a good plan. Clarke knew by now that it would take a lot of convincing because if Lexa was so insecure about whatever had been happening between them that she could believe that it was all a joke, it wouldn't be easy to convince her that quite the opposite was the reality. 

 

Since they hadn't come up with any good ideas they decided to just go to Lexa and talk to her. Raven wouldn't be coming since she didn't know the other girl and Lexa would probably be even more closed off if a stranger would be there too. 

 

Octavia was busy with a class project the next day, so they decided to wait until the day after that, which gave Clarke a whole day to get worked up about the talk with Lexa. By noon she was already feeling so sick, that she couldn't get more than two bites of her lunch down. Octavia and Raven tried to calm her down. “Clarke, it's going to be fine. You both feel the same way about each other and I am sure we can convince her that what I told her was the truth.”, Octavia said softly. Raven nodded. “It's going to work out just fine. You were never one to give up easily, Griffin. Just stick with your attitude. The rest will handle itself.” But even though Clarke appreciated that her friends were trying to support her and calm her down, it just didn't work. 

 

Clarke knew that if the talk with Lexa would be going badly, there was no way that the brunette would ever give her a second chance. It was all or nothing, which put immense pressure on the blonde. After class was over that afternoon, Clarke went straight to her dorm. For the rest of the evening, she tried to distract herself by painting, reading and even watching TV, but nothing worked. Raven dropped by for a short while too, but she realized how distracted her blonde friend was and decided to let her be.

 

By 10 pm, Clarke had given up on trying to do anything else than thinking about the next day. Since there was no way, she was going to get a good night of sleep anyway, she started going over everything she had experienced with Lexa again. It was crazy how their relationship had evolved from her hating Lexa, because of assuming things that turned out to be wrong, to being great project partners to meeting up regularly and messaging all the time. 

 

While going over everything she realized that this situation wasn't so different from when they first started working together, just with their roles reversed. This time it was Lexa being rude to her, since she ignored her, but also because of wrong assumptions. At this moment Clarke swore herself, that if she could save whatever she and Lexa had, she would always talk honestly to the brunette, because having it almost ruined twice, because of misunderstandings would definitely be enough. 

 

When Octavia came by the next day, so she and Clarke could go to Lexa's, she found the blonde to be a nervous mess. “O, I really can't do this. I haven't slept all night. What if we are wrong? What if she does hate me and I am just having false hope. There is no way I can handle that.” Clarke was on the verge of crying. She had worked herself up all night, thinking about what could happen and by now she was almost convinced that it could only go wrong. But Octavia wouldn't let her friend bail now. “Clarke, all of us know for a fact that she doesn't hate you and it's not like you have to do this alone. I won't just leave you there if you don't want me to.” Clarke nodded. She wasn't convinced but her friend helped her to calm down a little bit. 

 

“So are you ready?”, Octavia asked the blonde. Clarke shrugged. “I guess. I mean, I do look okay, right?”, she asked nervously. She had spent hours picking out an outfit and doing her make up over and over again. Still everybody could see how tired she was, even though she didn't feel the exhaustion right at this moment, since she was so nervous. “You look great, Clarke. Don't worry.”, Octavia smiled sympathetically at her friend and then nudged her out the door. Otherwise the blonde would probably never have summoned up the courage to go. 

 

They arrived at Lexa's dorm a few minutes later. Clarke was trying to calm herself but by now her hands were sweaty and her whole body was shaking. If Octavia hadn't been next to her, she would have gone back to her room and hid in her bed. In this moment, she realized more than ever how important Lexa had become to her and how she wouldn't be handle losing her for good. Clarke was scared of herself, of the intensity of her feelings. She had never felt this strongly about anybody. It was especially strange for her to feel that way since she wasn't even that close to Lexa. Clarke was suddenly torn from her thoughts when she realized that Octavia had said something. “Sorry. What did you say?”, she asked her friend quietly. They had arrived at Lexa's door. The hint of a smile was on Octavia's face. “I asked you, if you wanted me to knock or if you want to do it yourself?” Clarke just shrugged, so her friend turned towards the door again and knocked. Both girls held their breath but nothing happened. 

 

Clarke slouched and looked defeated. “What if she's just not home?”, Octavia asked, but Clarke shook her head. “Raven checked the library. She is here. She just doesn't want to talk. You know that's right.” The brunette looked at her friend sympathetically. There was no way, she would let Clarke give up so easily. She banged on the door. “Lexa, you have two options. You open up the door and listen to what we have to say or we'll just sit here all night waiting for you to come out.” The blonde looked shocked at her friend. Octavia just shrugged with a smirk on her face. “Well, we have to do something.”, she whispered to her friend. 

 

Nothing happened again. Clarke was ready to leave but she knew Octavia wouldn't let her. The two were ready to sit down on the floor in the hallway, when they suddenly heard the door behind them open up. The two girls spun around as quickly as possible. Lexa looked at them coldly. “I have no idea what you guys want but you got five minutes. After that you are going to leave my dorm. Is that clear?” Lexa's voice was as cold as her stare. The only thing Clarke could do was nod, but Octavia smiled politely. “You got yourself a deal.” Clarke was still surprised how her best friend was so positive while she was about to run away and cry, but she didn't have time to think about it. Lexa nodded. “Well, then come in.”, she said matter-of-factly, as she turned around and walked back into her room. 

* * *

 

 

** Lexa **

 

My life was back to the way it had been before I met Clarke. I fell back into my usual routine, trying to ignore how much I missed her and how much it hurt. I failed badly most of the time but there were no alternatives, so I kept going on like that. 

 

This particular day had already started badly. At the place where I usually got my coffee in the morning, the machine had broken down, so I had to go to another coffee shop. This made me late for class, which my professor didn't take nicely. Obviously she had a bad start into the day too, because she obviously let off steam while yelling at me. 

 

I was used to spending lunch alone, but since the weather had been particularly bad this day, it was super crowded, which lead two Freshmen to sit at my table and not so quietly whisper about how weird I was. After I got back a D in my last class of the day, I was just ready to go home. I honestly couldn't imagine that this day could get any worse but I was obviously wrong. 

 

I realized that when I heard a knock on my door about half an hour after coming home. I was just going to ignore it. I mean, nobody ever came to my room, so it was probably just some kid from my hallway that was out of Ramen or something like that but then I heard Octavia's voice. Even though I had only met her once, I would have recognized it anywhere, having replayed what she said to me in the restaurant in my head countless times. 

 

Since she was talking of 'we', I assumed Clarke was with her, which made everything a thousand times worse. After not getting any calls or messages from her in a few days, I assumed that she had finally given up, but apparently I was wrong. I really didn't have it in me to face the blonde today, but Octavia's threat didn't give me many options. I had to face them sooner or later. 

 

So I decided I'd better get it over with. I tried to put on a strong face, even though my nerves were getting to me already. I couldn't let them see how much it affected me. They wouldn't get another laugh out of this talk. Enough was enough. 

 

I looked at myself in the mirror and put on the coldest look that I could muster. Then I opened the door. Both of the girls had their backs facing towards me, but turned around quickly when the door opened. Clarke just stared at me, as if I was a ghost while Octavia was smiling. I let them in but made clear that they only had 5 minutes. I tried to be as cold as possible, which was obviously working, because Clarke looked like she might run away any minute but of course Octavia didn't let her. 

 

I was ready to run away too but I knew that I had to get through the next five minutes so they would stop bothering me, which was what I wanted. At least to some extent. I tried really hard to ignore the voice in the back of my head, telling me that after this talk I would have lost Clarke for good. 

 

“So what do you two want?”, I asked them, staring at them coldly. Clarke seemed intimidated but Octavia's smile didn't falter. “Well, we believe there is a misunderstanding and we are here to clear things up a little bit. Why don't we all sit down?” I nodded, sitting down on my chair while the two sat down on my bed. Clarke was still not looking at me. 

 

None of us said anything for a while. “You guys know that you can start any time, right? I mean your five minutes are almost over.” I said obviously annoyed. Why were they here if they wouldn't even try to talk to me. This made Clarke look me in the eyes for the first time. Her blue eyes were full of anxiety, fear and sadness. I was surprised to see her so affected. She was indeed a good actress, pretending that she cared. “Lexa... I am so sorry about everything.” Her voice cracked and she sighed. This was the beginning of a long talk and we both knew it. 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally wrote the talk. I hope it does it some justice. Sorry for any mistakes, it kinda got late.

** Clarke **

 

Clarke looked at Lexa and she felt like somebody had wiped away all of the words she wanted to say. Lexa was so cold and distant but the blonde could see the hurt that the brunette was trying to cover up so badly. Clarke's heart broke at this sight. She knew how much she had hurt the other girl without wanting it. She also knew that there was the possibility, she would hurt Lexa even more today, if the brunette wouldn't believe them. All of this scared her more than anything.

 

Octavia caught on that Clarke wasn't going to keep talking anytime soon, so she took the situation into her own hands. “So the reason for us being here is that there is a big misunderstanding standing between you and Clarke. Obviously you have been ignoring Clarke since our meeting in the restaurant.” She paused, waiting for a reaction from Lexa, but the other girl just kept staring at her coldly. So eventually she let out a sigh and continued, speaking softly. “Well, Lexa, you need to tell us if we are right, but we have this theory that you might think that we were making fun of you. Is that true?”, she asked the other brunette. 

 

Lexa just sat there staring at both of them. The silence got heavier and heavier by the minute. After a while Clarke found her voice again. “Lex, is that what you are thinking?” The blonde's voice was shaky and barely louder than a whisper. She was so scared, what the answer would be. Lexa stared directly into her eyes for a moment, before answering. “Well, it got kinda obvious, didn't it? I am sure you had your fun though. I mean, I was oblivious long enough, right?” Lexa's words came out harshly, followed by a bitter laughter. 

 

Clarke dropped her head in her hands. She couldn't stand looking at Lexa, while the brunette was so cold, knowing that it was her own fault. She had prepared herself for this situation, had gone over how she would explain everything to Lexa a million times and the brunette's answer hadn't been the worst possible, but right at this moment she just felt overwhelmed. She just wanted to go and hug the brunette, let her know how much she meant to her and make up, but she knew that it wasn't this easy. 

 

Tears started falling down Clarke's cheeks before she even knew what's happening. Suddenly she felt Octavia's hand rubbing her back. “Hey, it's gonna be alright. We are almost there. You two are going to be fine.”, the brunette whispered into the ear of her best friend. Then she looked up at Lexa. The cold stare had disappeared from the girl's face. Instead it was filled with concern. Octavia's lips curled into a small smile, seeing Lexa's concern “Well, I guess I'll be the one to keep going then.” 

* * *

 

** Lexa **

 

I had been able to keep her attitude cold and distant so far. What I had been hearing, was what I had thought all along. The two were making fun of me and even though it hurt like hell, I was able to keep up the pretense. Everything was going like I planned until now. Clarke was sitting slumped down, with her head in her hands. She had obviously started crying, since once in a while a sob escaped her mouth. 

 

Octavia was trying to calm her down, but that was obviously not working. Clarke's sobbing got harder and harder. I was trying to think about what I could do to make Clarke feel better, without giving up my distance. My thoughts were interrupted by Octavia suddenly speaking up again. “Well, I guess I'll be the one to keep going then.” But I shook my head. Whatever she had to say, it had to wait. There was no way, I would be able to listen to her while Clarke was sobbing anyway. 

 

I still had no idea how to handle this situation, so I did the only thing that came to my mind. I got up and left the room to get something for Clarke that would make her feel better. I went into the kitchen and decided to start making hot chocolate. I had no idea what was going on and I was now more confused than ever but I didn't have time to think about it now. I **had to** get Clarke to feel better. 

 

After being done with making the drink, I also grabbed a package of tissues from one of the cupboards and made my way back to my room. Clarke was still hunched over, crying even harder than before but Octavia just stared at me in shock when I entered the room. 

* * *

 

** Clarke **

 

When Octavia had suggested to continue, Lexa had just shook her head and then had jumped up and left the room. Clarke wouldn't even have noticed if it hadn't been for the door slamming shut. She looked up and started frantically looking around the room, searching for Lexa. Then the still sobbing Clarke turned to Octavia. “She just left?!”, she desperately asked her best friend. 

 

Octavia could just shrug. “I am sure she comes back.”, but the brunette didn't really sound convinced herself. Clarke dropped her head in her hands again. “I have lost her. I have lost her for good.”, she whispered to herself, “I can't live without her. I don't know how to do this.” Octavia tried to calm her best friend down, now holding her in her arms. “You haven't lost her. I promise you we won't leave before we have explained everything to her.” Then both girls were quiet. None of them had any idea what to do now. 

 

Suddenly the door was opened again quietly. Only Octavia noticed it, since was Clarke was back to having her head in her hands crying. Lexa came into the room with a cup in one hand and a box of tissues in the other. Octavia stared at her in shock. She hadn't expected the other girl to come back at all, but seeing her come back with stuff to make Clarke feel better was almost unbelievable. She didn't even know the truth yet, but was still caring for Clarke. 

 

Lexa kneeled down in front of the blonde, who only noticed her now. It seemed to take a lot of strength for Lexa, but she managed a small smile. “Here, this will help.”, she said softly, before giving Clarke the cup and the tissues. Then she got back up to sit in her own chair. 

 

Clarke could just stare at Lexa. 'This didn't just happen.', she was thinking to herself, 'She thinks we were making a fool of her and she is still taking care of me.' Lexa was looking anywhere but her now, but it didn't matter. Clarke slowly stopped sobbing. Suddenly she gained hope. If Lexa cared for her that much, they had a chance. And she was going to be the one that told Lexa about it. 

 

She took a sip of her hot chocolate, dried her last tears and then looked at the brunette again. “Okay, let's start talking about why we are here.”, she started full of determination. “Like Octavia told you before, we just figured out that you are thinking we were making a fool of you.” She paused and took all her courage together. “But Lexa that's by far the most stupid idea you ever had.” Clarke laughed bitterly. 

 

That got Lexa to look at her for the first time in a while, so Clarke was quick to continue. “Everything was true, Lexa. Me wanting to spend time with you; what Octavia told you; basically just everything that happened was honest. You weren't naive or oblivious. You were just seeing reality. And I am so sorry that you believed that it was anything else. I could never make fun of you like this, because...” Clarke paused. Looking down at her hands, she continued: “Because the thing is , I really do like you, Lexa.” 

 

The silence between them was deafening. Clarke didn't want to look up to see Lexa's reaction, but she had to eventually. The brunette stared at her in shock. Clarke had no idea, if Lexa was convinced and her best friend obviously didn't think so, since Octavia spoke up: “You better believe her, because I won't be able to stand a depressed Clarke for another couple of weeks. Oh and if you want prove that she likes you, just ask about any of her friends. We are all already annoyed by how much she talks about you.” She winked at Lexa, which made the other girl laugh for the first time during this talk and earned her a jab in the side from Clarke. 

* * *

 

** Lexa **

 

I couldn't help but chuckle about what Octavia had said and how Clarke was acting, but then reality set in. Could I really believe them? My theory had made prefect sense and now I should just go back to believing that everything had been real all along. But it took less convincing than I would have liked. The only thing it needed was one look at Clarke's face. Her eyes were still red from crying and her eyeliner was smudged, but she looked so hopeful. 

 

I took a deep breath in and then answered: “Okay.” Clarke looked at me, like she couldn't believe what she was hearing, while Octavia just smirked. “Okay?”, the blonde asked – still unsure. “Yes, okay. I believe you.” A small smile crept on my face. Clarke looked incredibly relieved. I could literally see all of the tension leave her body. “Okay!”, she answered and smiled back at me. 

 

“Well guys. I really don't want to interrupt this moment, but I think it's time that you two talk one-on-one for a bit. Obviously only if you don't have any more questions, Lexa”, Octavia said while getting up. “No, I think I am good. Thanks for coming, Octavia.”, I said, smiling nicely at the other brunette. “No problem! And I really hope you two work it out. I did mean it when I said I liked you, you know.”

 

My heart was filled with warmth after Clarke's friend left. It was a good feeling, knowing that she did like me but at the moment it was more important to figure things out with Clarke than to worry about her friends. 

 

I looked at the blonde who was still sitting on my bed, playing somewhat nervously with my blanket. “So you talk to your friends about me, huh?”, I said with a smirk on my face to make Clarke more comfortable. It seemed to work. The blonde relaxed a bit. Then she shook her head with a grin on her face: “I am gonna have to kill Octavia for telling you that, but yeah I might have talked about you a little more than what would be considered usual.” Clarke blushed and looked down at her hands. She was so cute, I just couldn't stop what was coming out of my mouth next. “Well, but she wasn't the only one telling me interesting things, was she now?” Clarke's blush only deepened, which made me chuckle. “I vaguely remember somebody telling me that they like me.” 

 

By now Clarke seemed to be so embarrassed that she refused to look up anymore. She just kept staring at my blanket with a face that was deep-red by now. I had no idea why but suddenly I felt brave and so I moved to sit next to Clarke on my bed. Then I faced her. “Clarke, will you please look at me?”, I asked her softly. She looked up slowly. “You know, Clarke, the thing is. I really like you too.” 

 

Clarke looked completely surprised to hear that and I couldn't blame her. If somebody would have told me a month before that day, while I was still talking to Clarke that I would tell her how I felt about her, I would have declared that person as completely crazy. But right now I felt confident with my feelings and I wanted Clarke to know. 

 

Clarke seemed to have regained her voice as she spoke again: “I am pretty sure the last weeks were similarly terrible for you as they were for me.” I looked down, not wanting her to feel bad about the pain she had caused me, but she noticed anyway. “I am so sorry about it and I want you to believe me that I would never hurt you on purpose.” I looked up and smiled softly at her. “I know that, Clarke.” 

 

The blonde nodded, but still looked serious. “I want us to promise each other something. Whatever happens, we'll always be honest with each other and we will always be talking about it if one of us is hurt.” The only thing I could do is nod and whisper: “I promise.” I was too overwhelmed about the fact that Clarke spoke of us and our future to say anything else.

 

Now Clarke finally broke out into one of her typical smiles. “I am so happy we figured this out.” And of course like always the only thing I could do is smile back. “Yeah me too.” 

* * *

 

** Clarke **

 

Clarke just couldn't believe it. Lexa had really told her that she liked her too. She had never dreamed of hearing these words so soon. But there they were. She was so incredibly happy, but before she could let herself enjoy this feeling she had to make sure something like that wouldn't happen again. 

 

After they had promised each other that they would always talk and be honest, she finally let herself be completely happy. She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face, but when she looked at Lexa, who smiled as widely as herself, she didn't mind. 

 

“So are we going back to our usual meetings?”, Lexa asked the blonde. Clarke thought about this. Of course she wanted to see Lexa regularly but she wasn't completely content with their past agreement. She wanted to see Lexa more often than that but she didn't know how to ask. She was afraid she was moving too quickly. They had just made up and told each other they liked each other, what if meeting up more often would be too clingy for Lexa. 

 

“Clarke?” Oh right. She had forgotten to give Lexa an answer. “You don't have to say yes, you know that right?” Suddenly insecurity appeared in Lexa's eyes again and that was the last thing that Clarke wanted to see. So she swallowed her pride: “Sorry, I was just thinking. I mean we could go back to our usual meetings. I am fine with that, if that is what you want, but I, uhm, well I would actually like to see you more often.” Clarke looked at Lexa, who now didn't look insecure anymore but definitely surprised. “Of course we don't have to. Actually forget that I said that. Let's go back to the usual.” 

 

Clarke was so embarrassed that she got up. “Well, I should probably go anyway. I'll see you on Tuesday then.” She turned around without looking at Lexa. What she couldn't see is, that Lexa had started grinning behind her back while shaking her head. “Clarke, what are you doing?”, she asked trying to hold back a chuckle. 

 

The blonde turned around, trying to smile politely. “I am giving you some space. I know I can be clingy.” Now Lexa laughed let out a laugh. “Clarke, would you please sit down. I don't think we are done talking yet.” Clarke sat down confused. She didn't know what else they had to talk about. But Lexa just grinned at her. “Clarke, I would love to spend more time with you. I was just afraid to ask and I am really glad you did. I definitely don't need more space right now. And you know I would describe you as many things but clingy is definitely not one of them. Whoever told you that you are clingy is an idiot.” 

 

Clarke smiled again. This was definitely one of the worst and on of the best evenings in a long time. “Okay.” Lexa laughed. “Okay!” The two of them quickly fell back into talking about the most random things as if they had never stopped. They sat there for hours until Clarke had to leave because she was supposed to meet a class mate in order to work with them on a project. 

 

Clarke was already at the door when Lexa stopped her. “Hey before you leave. I just...”, Lexa stopped talking but looked Clarke right in the eyes. Then she pulled her into a hug. This took Clarke completely by surprise, but after just a second she relaxed. She knew how much courage this must have cost Lexa and it felt really good. “Thank you for everything today and for forgiving me.”, Clarke whispered while still hugging Lexa. The later just tightened the hug. “There was nothing to forgive. And thank you! This evening was great.” Both girls broke apart smiling, but wishing that they could have held on a little longer. “I'll see you soon, Lexa.” Lexa nodded. “Yes, see you soon, Clarke.” 

 

Clarke walked home being happier than ever. She and Lexa really did have a chance and she would do anything for it to work out. 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's shorter than usual. Sorry about that, but I wanted to get a chapter in before going to bed, because I know the next days will be busy and I didn't want to keep you guys waiting for so long. Hope you still like it.

** Lexa **

 

I was so happy after Clarke had left and this time I let myself really feel it. Sure the voice in my head that this was too good to be true hadn't vanished, but I pushed it as far back as possible. I was very aware that I had almost ruined it all because of my insecurity and I wasn't going to let that happen again. 

 

For the rest of the evening I couldn't wipe the smile of my face. I was so happy I wanted to share it with the whole world. Obviously that was not really possible especially since I didn't have any friends so I called the only person, that I knew I could talk to. 

 

“Hey Anya!”, I said with a grin on my face, that apparently could be heard in my voice too. “Okay who are you and what have you done with my little sister?”, Anya asked suspiciously. I chuckled but didn't answer. “Okay, Lex, seriously are you on drugs?” She started to sound concerned, so I decided it was probably best to explain everything to her. “No, no drugs. Well I mean if you count people as drugs, I might be because she is kinda addicting.” Now it was my sister's turn to chuckle. “Gosh you are crushing on Clarke so badly. Spill it! What happened since the very depressed Anya-they-are-making-a-fool-of-me-call?” 

 

So I did. I told Anya everything. We had always been close and having lost our parents when I was sixteen only brought us closer. Now we were living thousands of miles away from each other and the contact had gotten rarer as Anya had gotten busier, but I still knew that I could always talk to her. After I had told her everything and Anya had warned me a thousand times not to ruin it again, we ended the call, since Anya had to get to her job, but I didn't mind. 

 

For the rest of the night I decided to just relax and watch TV for while. I deserved a day off studying and homework and even though I knew I should do my work, I really didn't care. This day had turned out so great and I wanted to enjoy it. It was first time in years that later that night I drifted of to sleep completely content with my life. 

* * *

 

** Clarke **

 

After Clarke's meeting with her project partner she decided to go over to Octavia's place. She knew her best friends were dying to hear about how her talk with Lexa went and she wanted to share her happiness with them. Honestly, Clarke could have skipped the meeting with her class mate and it wouldn't have made a difference. She had been unable to focus on anything other than Lexa for the whole evening, so she wasn't really able to work. Her class mate had realized that after a while too and had grown frustrated, so they just called it a day. 

 

As soon as Clarke knocked on Octavia's door, it swung open and she was greeted by her two best friends. Raven who had been lying on Octavia's bed, sat up immediately. “We want every little detail. You know that, right?” Clarke laughed, while sitting down next to her friends. “Of course you do.” She rolled her eyes, but then she started telling them about what happened after Octavia had left. “Well, first of all thanks for embarrassing me, O.” She gave her friend a deadly look, but the other girl just stuck out her tongue, which made Raven laugh and soon all three girls were giggling. 

 

After Clarke was done telling them almost everything that had happened, but leaving out the hug at the end – she wanted to keep this special moment to herself, for now at least – they decided it was time for them to get to bed, so Clarke and Raven said their goodbyes to Octavia and started to walk towards the dorm, in which they both lived. 

 

“You know, I still want to meet Lexa.”, Raven said bluntly. Clarke sighed. “I know, Reyes and I really want you to meet her but I am really afraid that she isn't ready for it. We just made up and I don't want to ruin it.” Raven sighed. “I'll give you two weeks. Then she has to be ready.” Clarke smiled thankfully at her friend. “You are the best.” They had arrived at Raven's room, which she unlocked. Then she turned around and faced Clarke with a smirk on her face. “I know.” Clarke rolled her eyes. “Good night, Reyes.” Raven laughed. “Good night to you too.”   
  
Clarke was so tired that she decided to just leave her make-up on She quickly brushed her teeth and then fell into her bed. This day had been quiet nerve-wrecking but she couldn't be happier. With Lexa's smile on her mind, she fell asleep. 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really sure about this chapter but it is what it is I guess.

** Clarke **

 

The next morning Clarke woke up with a smile on her face. She still couldn't believe that she had Lexa back in her life. As soon as she switched on her phone a message popped up from no other than Lexa herself. 

 

“Hey! Just wanted to let you know that I am really happy about how yesterday went and I am really looking forward to talking again soon :)” 

 

Clarke's smile grew while reading the message. She had never expected Lexa to be so honest about her feelings. After sending her an answer, Clarke had to get ready for class. She really tried to focus in class but it just didn't work. She started doodling Lexa's name on her notebook, which earned her a knowing smirk from Octavia. Clarke flushed, but she knew that her friends understood her feelings.

 

Clarke was so looking forward to seeing Lexa again and that was all she could think about. She just didn't know how to handle it. She could ask Lexa to meet up, of course, but Clarke didn't want to wait for plans to be made. She just wanted to see the brunette right now. Then an idea came to her mind. Lexa had told her something the day before, that was possibly the solution for her 'problem'.

 

* * *

 

** Lexa **

 

After I had woken up, all I could think about was Clarke, so I decided to swallow my pride and send her a message, telling her how happy I felt. Clarke answered soon after, telling me that she felt the same way, which only made me grin wider. 

 

Obviously my brain had also decided that being happy about Clarke liking me was more important than anything else, because after classes had finished and it was time for lunch, I realized that I had now idea what any of the lectures had been about. I didn't really mind though. I was too happy to stress about school. 

 

My feet had carried me automatically to the dining hall, in which I had spent my lunch for the past few weeks, like there weren't any other options. I was thinking about turning around and going to the one I had eaten lunch at for months before the whole misunderstanding with Clarke happened. I wanted to see Clarke, I really did but I was painfully aware that I wouldn't have the guts to sit with her and her friends and I knew that sitting alone would be incredibly awkward after the talk I had with the blonde. So the decision was made. 

 

After getting my food and drink, I sat down at my regular table alone. I pulled out a book, knowing that I always felt less bad eating alone if I had something else to do at the same time. 

 

I hadn't been reading for more than a few minutes, when I heard the chair across me being pulled out. I looked up with a scowl. Why would anybody choose to sit right across me? But my hostile look changed into a smile as soon as I realized who was sitting in front of me. 

 

“Clarke, what are you doing here?”, I asked her softly. Clarke seemed nervous but I had no idea why. “Well, I kinda wanted to see you and I remembered you telling me that you started coming here for lunch. But I can go if you want to keep on reading. That's not a problem. I mean, it isn't like we said that we would eat lunch together.” I chuckled. I had really no idea where her insecurity was coming from but I would be sure to do anything I could to make it disappear again. 

* * *

 

** Clarke **

 

On the way to the dining hall, Clarke had been so sure that this was a good idea. She wanted to see Lexa again and it was the perfect opportunity. But now sitting in front of Lexa doubts came up in her mind. What if she was moving too quickly? What if Lexa would rather read her book? 

 

Clarke knew that these thoughts weren't completely rational but she couldn't help it. Having been ignored by Lexa for so long, made her unsure of her actions. Before her thoughts could have gotten more out of hand, the brunette fortunately chimed in. “Are you being serious? I would choose you over a book any time.”, Lexa said with the most genuine smile, that immediately calmed the blonde's nerves.

 

Clarke smiled at her thankfully. “So how was class today?”, she asked her interestedly. “Well, I am sure it was good, but I didn't pay much attention. You know, my mind might have kept wondering to a certain someone.” Lexa said with a smirk and a wink. Clarke giggled. She had no idea that Lexa could be such a flirt. Both girls kept on talking until lunch break was over. 

 

They had their next classes in opposite directions so they stopped to say goodbye in front of the dining hall. “You know, I really enjoyed lunch with you, Clarke.” A nervous smile crept on the blonde's face. “So would you mind if I'd join you again tomorrow?” Lexa beams at her. “I'd love that.” The girls hugged goodbye, both holding on a bit too long, because they didn't want to let go. “See you tomorrow then!”, Clarke whispered. “Yes, see you tomorrow!”, Lexa said happily as they went their separate way, both as happy as they could be. 

 

From then on Clarke and Lexa met for lunch everyday. During the rest of their days they would be messaging each other so many times that Clarke's friends already got annoyed. One evening the blonde was with her friends at a bar. “Clarke, what do you think?” She looked up confused. She was debating with Lexa about their favorite books and she hadn't listened to the conversation going on in quiet a while. “What do I think about what?” Her friends sighed. “We know you have a new crush and everything but could you at least try to listen to us? You already bailed on our lunches.” 

 

Clarke looked up at her friends and realized, that she really had been neglecting them and while she knew they understood she was sorry at the same time. “I am really sorry, guys. It's just so great with Lexa and I don't want to ruin it.” They nodded. Then a smirk appeared on Raven's face. “You don't have to be sorry, because you know what day tomorrow is?” Clarke frowned. She had no idea what Raven was talking about. “It has been two weeks since your talk, so you know what that means?” Suddenly Clarke remembered and an unwell feeling appeared in her gut. “Right...”

 

The others looked confused at the two friends. So Clarke decided to explain it to them with a sigh: “Well, after the 'talk' Raven wanted to meet Lexa and I talked her into giving me two weeks, which I guess are up tomorrow.” Raven nodded with a smirk on her face: “You are absolutely right, Griffin.”

 

An hour later the group decided it was time to call it a night, but Clarke couldn't stop worrying about how she would get Lexa to meet Raven without making her uncomfortable. She knew Raven wouldn't give her another extension, so she had to talk to Lexa soon. 

 

Not wanting to talk about something like that on the phone, she decided to message Lexa to ask her if it was okay if she would come over for a few minutes. Lexa's reply only took a few seconds: “Of course!” So instead of going home, Clarke made her way to Lexa's dorm, growing more and more anxious with every passing minute. 

 

* * *

 

** Lexa **

 

I had started to worry as soon as I had received Clarke's message, asking me if she could come over. We had only met at lunch for the last two weeks and I knew something had to be up if she wanted to come by so suddenly. I just really hoped it wasn't something bad. 

 

Obviously Clarke hadn't been very far away, because she was at my dorm in the matter of a few minutes. “Come in!”, I called out as soon as I heard the knock on my door. Clarke opened it hesitantly with a nervous smile. “Hey Clarke! Nice to see you. Why don't you sit down”, I tried to say as casually as possible, while being extremely nervous myself. “Hi Lex. I am sure you are wondering why I am here.”

 

I nodded while the blonde sat down. I hadn't seen Clarke that nervous since the first time she had joined me for lunch. Something was definitely up. “Well, I wanted to talk to you about something.” Clarke looked at her hands. “The thing is, you know Raven, right?”, she looked up to see me nodding, then went back to staring downwards. “Well, she has been wanting to meet you for months but now that everything is going so well between us, she insists on it and she kinda gave me two weeks time to prepare you and these two weeks, well, they end tomorrow.” 

 

My brain started to process what Clarke had said. Her best friend wanted to meet me, like tomorrow. Oh my god. I was most definitely not ready for that and I was about to tell Clarke when I looked at her again. She was still intently staring at the her hands. Her shoulders had slumped down and she was wringing her hands. As much as I wanted to say no, I could see how worked up Clarke was about this whole situation. And just like that I knew what I had to do. 

 

“Okay.” Clarke looked up at me in shock. “Okay?” 

I smiled at her. “Yes, Clarke, okay. I will do it. She is your best friend and I know that she means a lot to you. I don't want you to fight with her just because I am scared to meet her.” A mix of emotions flashed across Clarke's face – they seemed to range from surprise to guilt to happiness. 

 

“Lex, you really don't have to do this if you don't want to. Your feelings are more important.” But I shook my head, my decision was made. “I do want to do it.” Now Clarke broke into a full smile and threw her arms around me. “You know you are the best, right?”, she whispered. I smiled at this while trying to ignore the anxiety that had started building up in my gut. 

 

After Clarke had left I was laying awake in my bed for hours. The thoughts about the meeting on the next day kept me up. We had discussed all options and Clarke had let me choose whichever seemed most comfortable for me. We decided on meeting with Octavia and Raven for lunch. At least I knew Octavia already and lunch was a limited time span, but this didn't stop me from worrying at this moment. After what seemed like forever my mind was so exhausted that I was finally able to sleep but it was a light sleep, not giving me the rest I had wished for. But even thought I hated this situation, I knew one thing for sure. I had made the right decision, because making Clarke happy was definitely more important than my feelings.

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while. Sorry! Hope you like the new chapters. And as always comments, opinions and critique are very welcome.

** Lexa **

 

Half an hour before I had to meet Clarke and her friends for lunch, I heard a knock on my door. I had been ready for a while since I had been stressing out about being late and right now I was sitting with a book on my couch, reading the same page over and over again, because I just couldn't focus. 

 

I slowly got up and made my way to the door. Since I would be meeting Clarke soon anyway, I had no idea who could be knocking on my door. As I opened it, I saw a smiling blonde in front of me. “Clarke, hi!”, I said surprised but with a smile creeping on my face as it always did when I was around the gorgeous blonde. “Is everything okay? We did say we would meet up at 12:30 right? Did I mix something up?” I started to worry. Was I late because I had the wrong time in mind? 

 

But Clarke just chuckled and made her way into my room. “Don't worry, Lex. Everything is fine and you have got the right time.” She smiled sweetly at me which made me immediately relax. “So why are you here?”, I asked her, still a little bit confused. 

 

“Well, I had a feeling that you might be stressing out about meeting Raven so I told Reyes and O that I would walk over to your place and that all of us would be meeting at the restaurant in a little bit.”, Clarke said with a shrug. I couldn't believe it. How did I deserve somebody like her? She was so considerate and caring, always noticing when something made me feel uncomfortable and always trying to help me feel better. 

 

Right at this moment all I wanted to do was kiss her. I had wanted it for months of course, but I had waited for this special moment. I had planned on going on a date or a few before taking this step but right now I didn't care. I took a step closer to Clarke so we were standing directly in front of each other. “You know that you are the most amazing person in this universe, right?” The blonde started blushing. 

 

I couldn't help but stare at her lips. Clarke seemed to get the message, because suddenly both of us were leaning in, our lips crashing together. The kiss was desperate. Both of us were pouring bottled up feelings from so many months into that kiss. Eventually I pulled away to look into her blue eyes, the most beautiful blue I had ever seen. “Okay?”, I asked her, because that was all that I could get out. Clarke broke into a grin: “Definitely more than okay.” 

 

I laughed. How was it that she always knew what to say to take all my worries away. Then I glanced at the clock and sighed. “We should probably get going. I don't really want to be late when I meet your best friend for the first time.” There the nervousness was again. I looked into the empty space, trying to calm my nerves.

 

Suddenly I felt Clarke's fingers on my jaw, guiding my head upwards so I would look at her. “Listen to me. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. O already loves you and Raven will too. And I promise I won't leave you alone with the two for a second.” I saw the blonde cringe a little and I knew she was thinking about to what it lead when she left me alone with one of her friends the last time. But she put on a brave face and did everything for me not to notice how much this memory pained her. 

 

“So ready to go?” I nodded. Once we were outside my room and I had locked my door, Clarke hold her hand out to me which I gladly took. Just feeling Clarke's hand in mine, her thumb stroking over my knuckles calmed me down more than any words could have. 

 

The walk to the restaurant was short. Right before we turned around the corner to the street of the place where we would have lunch, Clarke stopped me. She took both of my hands in hers and squeezed them. “Whatever happens and I am still sure that it will be going great, it won't change anything between us. Okay?” I smiled at her thankfully. “Okay.”

 

* * *

 

** Clarke **

 

On the walk to the restaurant all Clarke could think about was the kiss. She would have never dreamed that Lexa was going to kiss her any time soon but here she was, happier than ever and unable to wipe the grin out of her face. It had felt perfect and she just wanted more but she obviously had to wait for that. 

 

Shortly before the restaurant she stopped. She knew that Lexa was still worrying and even though Clarke was now surer than ever that Raven would like Lexa, she wanted to calm the brunette down a bit and she meant what she said to her 100%.Even if this lunch would go badly, even if against all odds Raven wouldn't like Lexa, there was no way she would let that get in between whatever was starting to develop between them. When they started walking to the restaurant again she gave Lexa's hand a reassuring squeeze, which the brunette answered by sending her a thankful smile. 

 

Octavia and Raven were already waiting in front of the restaurant. They smirked as soon as they saw that Clarke and Lexa were holding hands. Clarke let the brunette's hand go to great her friends. She hugged Raven and pulled her close. “Don't you dare make her uncomfortable, Reyes!”, she whispered into the other girl's ear. As an answer she just earned a smirk and a wink from her best friend. 

 

While Clarke was hugging Raven, Octavia pulled Lexa into a hug. Clarke sent her friend a glare but Lexa didn't seem to mind. “So good to see you again Lexa!”, Clarke's friend exclaimed. “It's good to see you too, Octavia.”, Lexa answered with a friendly smile on her face. “Could you stop with the whole Octavia thing and just call me O please? I mean we are basically best friends already.” Lexa just chuckled at the girl's directness. 

 

“So Lexa you probably guessed it, but this is Raven.”, Clarke introduced the two. Lexa smiled at the other girl. “Nice to meet you, Raven.”, she said politely. A smirk appeared on Raven's face. “So Octavia gets a hug and I get a formal greeting? Not gonna happen.”, she said pretending to be hurt. Clarke tensed up immediately. She had just reminded her friend again of not ruining it, after telling her a million times before already and what was she doing? 

 

But Lexa didn't take it as badly as Clarke thought she would. She saw the brunette tense up a little bit, but then a smirk appeared on her face. “Well, if you are nice to me you might earn yourself a goodbye hug.”, Lexa said, pretending to be serious, but barely able to hold in her grin. 

 

Octavia and Clarke looked surprised at each other. They had no idea where this confidence came from but Raven just laughed. “I like her already, Griffin.” They made there way into the restaurant with Clarke shooting Lexa an 'I-told-you-so'-look and Lexa just rolling her eyes at the blonde.

 

* * *

 

** Lexa **

 

Well, obviously years of being alone had given me a sharp tongue, but I really liked Raven from the moment I met her. She had a great sense of humor with lots of sarcasm which was definitely my kind of humor and we just seemed to be on the same wavelength. 

 

Lunch was fun with Octavia and Raven telling me so many embarrassing and funny stories about Clarke that my stomach hurt from laughing so much. Clarke pretended to be offended but I could see how difficult it was for her to hold in her own laughter. I knew how glad she was that her best friends and I were getting along, because even if she had told me that it didn't matter if Raven liked me or not before hand, I knew that it would have been really tough on her if we didn't get along. 

 

Fortunately that problem hadn't come up. By the time we paid, Raven and Octavia had told me about a million things all four of us had to do together in the near future. I was really surprised. I mean it was great that they liked me but I had thought that they would want to have their best friend for themselves most of the time but obviously I was already counted in for everything they were planning and even though this made me a little bit anxious, I was incredibly happy about it and so was Clarke. 

 

After leaving the restaurant we had just stood there chatting for a while until Raven looked at her watch. “Oh shit! I have totally forgotten the time. We were supposed to meet up with the others 5 minutes ago. We should probably run.” Octavia looked as shocked as Raven, not having noticed how fast the time had run. She quickly hugged Clarke goodbye and then turned to me. “You know we expect to see you a lot more often now.” I smiled and nodded, while she hugged me. “Deal!”

 

Raven had already hugged Clarke goodbye, then she walked to stand across from me with a serious face. “So Miss Woods, was my company worthy enough to have earned a hug?” I tried to hold my laughter in while answering: “Well Miss Reyes, I think this one time I can grant your wish.” Now both of us where laughing while hugging. “It was great meeting you, Lexa. See you soon.” I nodded. “I can only say they same. Bye guys!” and off they were, sprinting to wherever they were supposed to meet their friends. 

 

I turned towards Clarke, who was looking at me expectantly. “And?”, she said with a hopeful voice. “Well, Clarke, you know I am not a people person.” The blonde looked disappointed, her eyes looking anywhere but at me. “Hey, look at me! I am kidding. You're friends are awesome.” Clarke let out a deep breath and grinned at me. “You are an idiot.”, the blonde said while laughing. Then we were quiet, both not knowing what to say. 

 

I didn't want all of this to end yet, so I swallowed my pride. “Well, you know I was planning on watching a movie this afternoon and I wondered if you might want to join. You don't have to of course.” I smiled at Clarke nervously but immediately relaxed as I saw her beaming. “I'd love that!” 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically belongs to the other chapter but I wanted a cut in between.

** Clarke **

 

Lexa kept surprising Clarke that day. First she had kissed her, then she was joking with Raven and now she invited her over but whatever it was that had led to Lexa acting this way, Clarke was really happy about it. 

 

On their way to Lexa's dorm they intertwined their fingers and held hands again. It felt like the most natural thing to do even though it was only the second time they had done it. They fell into a light conversation about what movies they liked to watch. Since Lexa was basically watching almost everything it was easy to talk with her about the movies Clarke liked. 

 

Once they were in Lexa's room and all set up with snacks and drinks, they started the movie. Even though Clarke had wanted to watch this movie for ages, she had a hard time focusing with Lexa so close by her side. She was scooting around trying to find a comfortable position on the bed, when she felt Lexa's hand on her shoulder. 

 

She turned to Lexa who was wordlessly patting the pillow she had planted on her lap. Clarke looked at Lexa again to make sure that she wasn't misreading anything but the brunette just kept on watching the movie with a little smile on her face. Then after a few seconds of Clarke just staring at her, Lexa spoke up: “You don't have to but I am pretty sure that it is more comfortable than your position now. But like I said, it's up to you.” 

 

Even though Lexa seemed completely calm Clarke had heard the shakiness in her voice, telling her that Lexa was nervous about this. This made the blonde sure of what to do next. She laid her head down on the brunette's lap. “Thanks Lex!”, she whispered quietly.

 

* * *

 

** Lexa **

 

I usually loved movies but on that day I just couldn't focus. When I had seen Clarke scooting around, my body had just automatically reacted by putting a pillow on my lap and before I had realized what I was doing, I offered Clarke to lay down. Not thinking before doing for once was obviously exactly what I needed because feeling Clarke's body against mine was the best thing ever. 

 

I was completely in thought, staring at the screen but not watching the movie at all, when my hands started playing with Clarke's hair. It was more of a reflex than anything else and when I realized what I was doing, I pulled my hands away as quickly as possible. 

 

I had been hiding my feelings for months and now I was moving so quickly I didn't even recognize myself, but as soon as I pulled my hands away Clarke made a sound of dissatisfaction. “What are you doing?” I looked down at her, her face now facing me. “Well, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable.”, I said reluctantly. A soft smile appeared on Clarke's face. “You didn't. I liked it.” A smile appeared on my face too. “So I should keep on going, huh?” Clarke nodded, “Definitely”, while turning back to the screen. So that's what I did. 

 

Once the movie was over Clarke sat back up again. She looked at the clock and sighed. “I should probably get going. I have a meeting with my project partner soon.” I nodded, trying not to look to disappointed. Clarke seemed to see it though, because she continued: “You know I was thinking. We haven't gone on a proper date yet and I would like to take you out tomorrow if that's okay with you.” The blonde smiled at me nervously. “I'd love to.” 

 

Clarke broke into a grin as she got up. “So what about if I pick you up at 7?” I nodded as I got up as well and walked her to the door. “Sounds perfect.” Then we were just standing there staring at each other. The blonde sighed and I heard her mutter: “Fuck this!” under her breath before surging forward, kissing me passionately whichI was quick to answer. 

 

After a while Clarke pulled back with a sigh. “I really have to go...” I nodded and smiled at her. “I'll see you tomorrow then.” Clarke smiled back at me: “Yes! See you tomorrow!” And with a quick kiss on my lips she was gone. 

 

For the rest of the night, I couldn't stop grinning. I had never been so excited for a date before and I couldn't wait for tomorrow to come.

 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the next chapter after what feels like forever. I am really sorry but the updates won't be coming so often anymore... I hope you guys still like it.

** Lexa **

 

I had been a bundle of nerves all day. Obviously that was what Clarke was doing to me. I had been nervous so many times since I had met Clarke that I couldn't count them anymore but I didn't mind it particularly. I had been anxious my whole life and it was always something bad for me but with Clarke it was different. She made me nervous, yes. But it was the good kind of nervous. The one that's mixed with excitement. 

 

I had tried to get Clarke to tell me where we were going, never having been a person that was fond of surprises, but the blonde wouldn't give anything away. When I had told her, that she had to at least give me a hint, so I could pick the right outfit, she just answered 'Dress for being inside and outside ;)'. So that was all the information I had gotten. Usually this would have driven me crazy but at this point I was pretty much okay with it even though not completely feeling at ease. 

 

My closet was a mess by now. I had tried on almost everything but nothing seemed right. I wasn't a person that usually cared too much about her clothes and her appearance, but at this point I was completely freaking out because I had nothing to wear. Obviously Clarke could read my mind because right at this second I got a message from her saying: “I can't wait to see you soon! Don't stress out too much ;) It will be great!” 

 

Immediately some tension disappeared from my body. I had no idea how Clarke was doing it but she seemed to always have the right words. Having calmed down a little bit now, I decided to just put my favorite top and sweater on. After all Clarke had seen me since months and whatever her impression of me was, it probably wasn't dependent on my outfit of the day. 

 

After I had gotten ready, I still had plenty of time left, so I decided to call my sister. I hadn't spoken to her in a while and I knew how shocked she would be when she would hear that I had a date. 

 

“Hey Sis! Wait a moment, I'll go somewhere where it's quieter.” I heard Anya shuffle around and close a door behind her. “So what's up? You haven't called in forever.”, Anya said accusingly. I chuckled. My older sister would whine about me not calling all the time, but I knew she didn't take it too personal. I had gone months without calling her after the break up with Costia. 

 

“Well, I have got something to tell you.” I paused. A smile appeared on my face. “I am kind of seeing someone.” Obviously Anya was as surprised as I thought she would be because she started screaming in my ear. “You are what? Are you serious? Who are you and what happened to my sister?” I started laughing. “Calm down, An.” My sister was quiet for a second, than she answered clearly with a smirk on her face. 

 

“So let me guess since figuring out that it was all a misunderstanding Clarke and you have gotten closer. And some sort of miracle happened, so you two haven't messed it up again. Which would mean I had been right all along about you two getting together.” I sighed. Of course my sister would rub it in my face that she had told me all along, but I couldn't really be bothered by it. If my sister being right, would more often have such a positive outcome, I'd let her take it. 

 

“Yes, you were right. For once.” I heard Anya laugh. “I am always right and you now it.” I grumbled. Then I heard some screaming through the phone. “I should get back to the others before they kill each other.” I nodded. “Yeah, sure it's fine. I'll talk to you soon.” 

 

“Yes, talk to you soon. But Lex...” Anya sounded hesitant. “Yeah?”, I asked already knowing what was about to come. “Don't ruin it, okay? She sounds amazing and you are amazing so it will work out. Don't worry about it too much!” Well, what can I say. My sister just knew me too well. “I'll try. Thanks, An!”, I said thankfully “Any time.” I knew she meant it. Even though we weren't the kind of sisters that talked every day, I knew she was there whenever I needed her. 

* * *

 

** Clarke **

 

Clarke had been completely relaxed all day. Surprisingly relaxed considering that she hadn't been on a date in a while, let alone a date which she was supposed to organize. Her nerves only kicked in on the way to Lexa's dorm. 'What if Lexa wouldn't like what she had planed for them? What if something would go wrong?' Her worries got stronger and stronger right until she was standing in front of Lexa's door. But as soon as she knocked and saw the brunette's smile when she opened the door she felt calm again. Lexa always did that to her. 

 

“Hey Lex! Ready to go?”, she asked with a soft smile that matched Lexa's. “Of course I am! By the way, you look really beautiful Clarke”, Lexa complimented her, which let to a light red creeping up Clarke's cheeks. “Thanks! You are too.” Now it was Lexa's turn to blush and thank the blonde. 

 

The two made their way to Clarke's car just talking about how their days had been. That's when Clarke started to get nervous again, which Lexa seemed to sense immediately. She put a hand on Clarke's arm. “Hey, you know whatever your plan is I am sure it's perfect. I' d be happy to do just about anything with you.” Clarke relaxed a bit. 'How could she have been so lucky', she thought to herself, 'Lexa was always so thoughtful and caring.'

 

 

Soon they stopped in front of a small restaurant. “I thought before we do anything else we should have dinner.”, Clarke said while smiling at Lexa nervously. But the brunette was already grinning at her. “Sounds perfect, Clarke.” This made Clarke grin. She realized slowly that Lexa had meant it. No matter what they would be doing tonight Lexa would gladly join her. 

 

Dinner went smoothly since they were used to eating together. They talked about everything and nothing. Octavia and Raven had been serious about Lexa joining them for some activities soon and wanted to do a movie night with the couple a few days later. Much to Clarke's surprise Lexa immediately agreed.

 

“Are you sure? I know, they can be a handful, so I totally understand if you don't want to deal with them twice in a week.”, Clarke cautiously asked. She wanted to make sure Lexa wouldn't agree to anything she didn't actually want to do just because of her. Lexa smiled the most genuine smile. “Yes Clarke, I am sure. I meant it when I said I liked them and since they're your best friends I'll probably see a lot more of them in the future. So don't worry about it, okay?” 

 

Clarke answered with the biggest smile: “Okay!” She was in heaven. Not only did Lexa and her friends like each other but Lexa was also talking about the future. **Their** future. **Together**. Clarke couldn't believe that they actually made it to this point and that Lexa felt the same way, because if you would have asked Clarke there was no future without Lexa. 

 

Her eyes snapped up, when she realized Lexa had been talking. “Are you okay? You seem like you got lost there for a second”, the brunette asked with a concerned look on her face that made Clarke's heart melt. So she decided to be bold and tell Lexa the truth. “Yeah sorry. I was just thinking about how lucky I am to be here with you and how incredibly happy.” This made Lexa blush deeply but at the same time the biggest smile spread on her face. Clarke couldn't stop her face from matching that smile. “How about we pay and get to the surprise part of this evening?”, she asked with a wink. Lexa nodded enthusiastically, which only made Clarke chuckle more. 

 

After they had paid they got back into Clarke's car but before the blonde could turn on the engine Lexa stopped her. Clarke turned around to look at the brunette. “Everything okay?”, she asked her worriedly. But Lexa just smirked: “I have been wanting to do this the whole evening.” Then she kissed Clarke passionately. After getting over her initial shock, Clarke deepened the kiss. Both only pulling away after a while because they needed air. But Lexa was still resting her forehead against Clarke's. “Okay, now we can get going”, the brunette whispered. Which made the blonde laugh and pull away with the fondest look in her eyes. “Of course Ms Woods! Whenever you are ready.”, she said with a cheeky grin. This would be the best first date Clarke had ever had. That was for sure.

* * *

 

 

** Lexa  **

 

 

I couldn't help but smile while we were going to whatever our next destination was. Kissing Clarke was probably something I would never get used to and I was totally okay with that. Considering the smile that was spread across Clarke's face the blonde felt pretty similar. Sure I had been a little bit nervous about the whole surprise part in the beginning but right now I felt completely calm. I trusted Clarke 100% and I felt like the happiest girl on earth. 

 

After about 30 minutes car ride, we came to a stop. I was confused. There were no other cars or people around. Clarke must have realized that I had no idea what was going on because I heard a quiet chuckled, followed by the softest whisper as she leaned in to plant a kiss on my cheek. “Don't worry. You'll figure it out in a second.” That made me turn to look her in the eyes. “I am not worried Clarke. I trust you. 100%. Always.” Clarke's eyes were becoming teary as she kissed me shortly. All she seemed to get out was a breathless: “Thank you!”

 

Then she got out of the car and walked over to my side. She offered me her hand. “Come on, lets go!” I happily obliged. The walk didn't take long and as we reached our final destination, I stopped looking at it in aw. There was a blanket and a few pillows spread out. Next to the blanket were drinks and snacks and music was softly playing from a speaker set up on the other side. You could see the city down below as well as the stars above. It was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. 

 

I turned to Clarke who had been watching me all this time. “This is amazing, Clarke. How did you think of that?”, I asked her softly. Clarke just shrugged with a small smile on her lips. “I remembered you telling me how you love the stars once so I thought this would be fitting.” Then a worried look appeared on her face. “If you don't like it though...” I cut her off immediately. I had no idea where this insecurity was coming from but I would do everything to make it disappear again. “Clarke, did you listen to me? I absolutely love it. I can't believe you still remembered that I love the night sky.” Her features softened again. “Of course.” 

 

The next few hours were spent with me pointing out the constellations and a lot of soft talking and cuddling. It was the most perfect first date that I could have imagined. Since it was getting late, it was also getting cold and I felt Clarke starting to shiver, so I naturally offered her my jacket. “I can't take that, Lex, you'll be cold. But thank you!”, she said with a soft but also worried look on her face. But I insisted and then smirked. “Well, I guess you'll just have to keep my warm then.” I had no idea where this confidence was coming from, but at this moment I just felt happy and would have done everything for Clarke. 

 

About an hour later, we decided to leave and drive back home, since it was really getting cold. Clarke drove me in front of my dorm, but before I could get out of the car she stopped me: “You know, I really enjoyed this date, Lexa.” I just loved the way she said my name. Suddenly Clarke was looking nervous again. “And you know I would be happy if we could do it again some time.” The blonde wasn't looking at me, so I slowly guided her jaw up until she had to. I needed her to look at me for what I was about to say next. “Clarke, this was the best date in my life. Of course I want to repeat it.” Now the blonde was beaming again, so I gathered all my courage. “Actually, I'd like to take you out this Friday. Only if you are free of course....”, I trailed off. But Clarke immediately jumped in: “I'd love that!” 

 

Then we were looking at each other, just enjoying each other's presence. That was the amazing thing about Clarke. We didn't have to talk to feel comfortable around each other. We could just sit there in silence and still be completely content with it. After some time, I sighed: “I should really get to bed, if I don't want to miss my lecture tomorrow morning.” Clarke nodded with a smile on her lips, but her eyes gave the disappointment away. So without thinking, I leaned in and closed the distance between us. Our kiss grew passionate rather quickly and we were only stopping when air was desperately needed. 

 

Clarke looked up at me. “You know, I am really looking forward to seeing you at lunch tomorrow. Wait, no, actually more like today.” She chuckled. I smiled at her. “I do too, Clarke.” And with a final peck on her lips I left her car. The blonde was of course considerate enough to wait until I was in the dorm before driving away, so after unlocking the door I turned around and gave her a shy goodbye wave. Clarke had the biggest grin on her face while waving back. 

 

Then I finally made my way back to my room. Of course a grin was also plastered on my face. I was more and more amazed by Clarke every time I met her. She was so considerate and caring but also so, so beautiful. I couldn't believe all of this was actually happening. And I was behaving so weirdly around Clarke. Sometimes I was so confident it surprised both of us and other times I was so incredibly nervous as if she had never told me that she liked me, too. But Clarke had looked as happy as me, when we said goodbye and I was so excited for our future. With these thoughts in my mind, I was finally able to fall asleep and I hadn't had such a good night of sleep in a long time. 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it has been forever again. Sorry! But I did try to at least make it a long one!

** Lexa **

 

The next days went by smoothly. I was meeting up with Clarke for lunch everyday, just enjoying her presence. We were stealing kisses here and there but nothing more was happening. The closer we got to Friday the more nervous I got though. I had never really organized a date. Back then Costia had asked me out first and from the on we always made our date plans together. Deep in my heart I knew that Clarke would probably be happy with whatever we would be doing but I wanted to impress her. I wanted to let her know how much thought I had put into the date. I wanted to show her how much I cared. 

 

Suddenly an idea popped into my head. I had heard about a little gallery that would be opening this Friday. It would be perfect. We could check out the gallery since I knew how much Clarke loved art and then go somewhere to dinner. I had the perfect plan and I felt definitely more relaxed. At least until Friday morning. 

 

After getting up I opened up the local news app and the first thing I read was 'Local gallery opening postponed because of personal reasons'. I wasn't sure if I wanted to scream or cry. Why would that happen to me? I knew everything between Clarke and me was going too well. I tried not to freak out but that wasn't really working. 

 

Our last date had been so great and I had nothing. Clarke would think I didn't care about her at all. My breathing quickened. I couldn't calm down. That's when I heard my phone ringing. I tried to even out my breathing enough to be able to accept the call. 'Don't let it overwhelm you, Lexa! You can do it! You have the control!' 

 

 

I looked at the phone. It was Clarke. Great. But I knew I needed to pick up if I didn't want to worry her. “Hey Clarke!”, I answered the phone in the most cheerful voice I could put on but of course Clarke saw right through it. “Lex, is everything okay? What is going on?” I sighed. I knew that hiding the problem from her wasn't an option. Clarke always knew when something was wrong, so I decided to go with the truth. 

 

“It's just about tonight...”, my voice drifted off. There was an uncomfortable silence. “What about tonight, Lexa?” I couldn't bring myself to answer. “You know, it's okay if you don't want to go on that date anymore.” That's when I realized why Clarke sounded so disappointed and my mind seemed to start functioning again. “Oh no, that's totally not what I meant, Clarke. It's just, well, I had something planned and it won't be working, so now I have to figure out a new plan but I really want to go, okay?” 

 

Clarke sighed in relief. “Thank God! You know, we can figure something out together if that's what you want. I don't mind.” But I shook my head. “No, I want this to be a proper date and I want to surprise you”, I said firmly. I wanted her to feel special. It wouldn't be the same if she helped with the planning. 

 

“Okay then you do the planning but Lexa?” I could hear the smile in her voice. “Yeah?”, I asked softly. “No matter what we are doing it will be great. Please don't stress yourself out too much.” I smiled. Of course Clarke would be the one to know how to calm me down. Then I remembered something else, “Thanks Clarke. But why were you calling in the first place?” The blonde laughed. “I actually just wanted to tell you how much I am looking forward to spending this evening with you. I can't wait.” The smile in my face grew bigger. “I do too! I'll pick you up at 5, okay?” “Okay, see you then!”, Clarke answered excitedly before hanging up. 

 

The smile was still planted on my face. Even though I didn't know what we would do, only a few minutes of talking with Clarke had been enough to calm me down and make me excited again. 

* * *

 

** Clarke **

 

After Clarke hung up all she could do was smile and shake her head. On the one hand, she wished Lexa would just realize how much Clarke already liked her and that she didn't have to impress her. On the other hand, she thought it was really cute how worried Lexa was about finding the right thing to do for their date. But Clarke hadn't lied. As long as Lexa was there with her, she would be happy to do absolutely anything. 

 

Clarke was so lost in her own thoughts that she almost missed the rapid knocking on her door. 'Oh right!' Octavia and Raven were getting her to walk to class together, so she opened up quickly. “Hey guys!”, she greeted them cheerfully. Raven and Octavia shot each other a look. “How are you in such a good mood? You totally hate getting up early”, Octavia asked. Clarke just shrugged as an answer but a smirk was placed on her face. Raven groaned: “Lexa.... You two are really annoyingly cute.” O agreed by rolling her eyes but Clarke knew her best friends were just teasing her. 

 

Even though the blonde was spending the whole day with her friends it felt like the time wasn't passing at all. Of course she enjoyed their company but she missed having lunch with Lexa and even though she would have never admitted it, she was also starting to get a little bit nervous about the evening. 

 

This led to her trying on ten different outfits with O and Reyes as judges. One of them always had something to critique, most of the time that there wasn't enough skin showing. Clarke grew really frustrated. “This just isn't working. I will never find something to wear.” Both of her best friends sighed as Clarke threw herself on the bed. 

 

Right then her phone started ringing. Of course Raven was quicker then the blonde. “Hey Lexa! What's up?” She answered with a smirk. Clarke tried to get her phone back but Reyes was fast and Octavia was no help, just sitting there laughing. “You know that Clarke is really stressing herself out right now because she has nooooooooothing to wear.” Raven poked out her tongue at Clarke. The blonde could hear Lexa laughing. “Why don't you let me speak to her for a moment?”, the brunette asked Raven. The latter one just sighed. “Fine, but just because I am the nicest.” This made Lexa chuckle: “Of course you are.” 

 

Raven handed the phone over to Clarke and walked towards the door, signaling Octavia to come with her. “We are going to get coffee and we trust that you guys have figured this out when we come back”, she said rolling her eyes while pointing at the clothes that were scattered all over the room. Clarke sighed relieved when they were gone and turned her attention back to the phone.   
  
“Hey Lex! Anything you wanted?”, she asked while still blushing. She really hadn't needed Lexa to know about the 'outfit problem'. “Yeah I did, but first of all... Are you really stressing out about what to wear?”, the brunette asked softly. Clarke stared at the floor. “Might be possible.” There was a pause, then Lexa continued quietly: “You know that you look gorgeous in whatever you are wearing”, which made Clarke only blush harder. “Yeah?”, she asked shyly. Lexa laughed. “Yes, Clarke, you are beautiful and now I am going to tell you what to wear, so that problem will be out of the way, okay?”

 

Clarke smiled. She loved how caring Lexa was. How she would do anything for the blonde not to worry. “Of course.” There was another silence as the brunette thought about what to tell the blonde. “Okay, I got it. Search for your favorite sweater and your most comfortable pair of jeans. Oh and wear comfortable boots.” Clarke was quiet for a second. Did Lexa really just say that? “Lex, you are aware that my favorite clothes are washed out, too big and not date-like in any way?” The brunette chuckled. “I am aware, yes. But I meant it when I just told you that you look stunning in everything and I just want you to be comfortable.” The blonde shook her head a few times. Could Lexa get anymore amazing? “I don't even know what to say. You are incredible you know that?” A grin was plastered on her face. “Thanks, Clarke. So what I was actually calling about. Can we move the time I pick you up back to 5:30?” The blonde could hear Lexa's smile. “Of course! I look forward to it!” 

 

Raven and Octavia chose that moment to barge into her room again. “I should go now before somebody steals my phone again.” Clarke laughed with an eye on Raven. “I see you soon!” Lexa chuckled. “Yes, see you soon, Clarke!” After they had hung up, Reyes and O wanted to know about the outfit choice. When Clarke told them what Lexa had said, both shook their heads in shock but with a grin on their face. “You know she's a keeper, right?” Clarke nodded. She definitely knew. 

* * *

 

** Lexa **

 

It had taken me a while to figure out a new plan for our date but once it hit me I knew that it was a good idea. My nerves hadn't been as bad as I had expected them to be. Especially after calling Clarke and realizing that she was just as nervous. Now that I was standing in front of her door, they did kick in again though but before I could worry too much about it, I just knocked. 

 

Clarke opened the door with a grin. “Hey, it's so good to see you!”, she exclaimed as we hugged. When we pulled away again I took in her sight. She was wearing basic jeans, boots and an oversized sweater with a little make-up on. She was looking adorable. The blonde must have noticed me checking her out, because she asked self-consciously: “You want met to put something else on? I told you they were not in the best state.” But I just shook my head with a smile. “You look absolutely gorgeous”, which made the blonde blush. “Come on let's go then!”, she suggested while locking her room. 

 

We walked down to my car in silence but it wasn't uncomfortable. That was one of the things I loved about Clarke. We could just enjoy each other's presence without having to talk all the time. I opened the car door for her and then got in myself. She looked at me with a smirk: “I guess, I don't get to know where we are going, since I didn't tell you last time, do I?” I smirked back. “No, definitely not.” Clarke seemed content with that answer and we started talking about our days. It was incredible how we could talk and message all the time but never run out of topics. 

 

It wasn't a long ride to where we were going. Once we stopped Clarke's face lit up with realization. “A bookshop. I guess I should have know with the amount of times we argue about books.” I smiled and nodded. “But there is a little bit more to it. You'll see.” We got out of the car and walked together to the book shop. Our hands found one another quickly and intertwined like it was the most natural thing. I relaxed a bit. I was sure Clarke would like what was about to come but I couldn't get the worries out of my head completely. 

 

Once we got into the bookshop I immediately pulled Clarke downstairs. I could see the confusion in her face. All the books we had ever talked about were upstairs. As soon as she saw what was going on she let out a gasp. Downstairs was a big room full of art. The walls were full with posters and pictures. In the middle of the room were sculptures and other art projects. Clarke's eyes had grown big, then she looked at me. “This is amazing, Lexa!”, she said in awe. I smiled. “You know I was trying to find something with art and I randomly found this place. I am really glad you like it though!” Clarke shook her head. “I don't like it, I love it!” The grin on my face grew bigger. “Why don't we go around and look at the pieces?” So that's what we did. 

 

The art was impressive no question but to be honest most of the time I was too busy with watching Clarke. How her eyes lit up when she saw a piece she liked or how she scrunched up her nose when she was trying to figure out the meaning of certain pieces. I loved watching her. After about half an hour a frown appeared on the blonde's face and she looked over at me. “How long do we have here?” I could see the worry about having to leave soon even if she tried to mask it with a smile. “Well, you know I thought about dinner but then I guessed I didn't want us to have to leave when we are enjoying it so I didn't make any reservations but a few restaurants told me that we should manage to get a table for two any time we want.” A grin spread on Clarke's face and she pulled me into a tight hug. “You know you are the best and this is the best date I ever had!”, she whispered. I smiled softly. “Anytime, Clarke. I am glad you like it!”

 

We only left the bookstore when it closed at 8 – without having looked at a single book. Suddenly Clarke's look of happiness changed. She turned to me. “Lexa, I am so sorry.” I frowned. What was she sorry about? I thought everything was going great. The blonde saw my confusion and continued: “You must have been so bored! I just space out when I see art but I shouldn't have looked at it for so long.” She looked at the floor. I laughed with relief. “Clarke look at me. First of all, I can enjoy some good pieces of art too. Secondly, I wasn't bored at all. And thirdly, as long as you are happy I am happy too. I really enjoyed the time we spent in there. Please, don't worry about it.” I could see that Clarke was still searching my face to see if I was telling the truth but she must have decided on it because the smile came back to her face. “Okay, but if you ever do get bored you'll tell me! Promise?” “We did promise to be honest, didn't we?”, I said with a wink. Clarke seemed pleased with that answer. 

 

“Okay, so what about food?”, I asked her. She seemed to consider several options before putting on an easy smile. “You pick!” I thought about it. Then I had an idea. You know there is a really good Italian place not far from here. Clarke nodded happily. “Let's do that!” The restaurant was great. The food was delicious and it wasn't too crowded. Clarke started telling me about why she loved art and how her father made her pursue it. “You know I can't wait for you to meet my parents.” I raised an eyebrow. We weren't even officially together and the blonde was already thinking about me meeting her family. It made me nervous, of course, but also really happy because I realized she was in for the long run. 

 

After we left the restaurant I was about to make my way back to the driver's side of my car when Clarke stopped me. She looked at me shyly. “You know, I really don't want this night to end. Would you mind if we went for a walk for a little while?” I smiled. “No, not at all.” We walked in silence for a while but I could feel that something was on Clarke's mind. I knew I was right when Clarke came to a stop in front of a lake. She stared out into the water. Then she looked at me with a nervous smile. “Well, so I wanted to ask you something and I want you to know beforehand that it is totally fine if you say no. I'd understand.” I looked at her questioningly. How did she still get that nervous around me? Clarke continued: “I know we have only been on two real dates, but it feels like I have known you forever and you have met O and Reyes and I don't know, maybe it is indeed too early, but I was wondering, if you wanted to be my girlfriend, like officially....” She trailed off, her eyes focusing on the floor. 

 

I was in shock for a few seconds, but then I immediately knew what to do. I guided Clarke's face up by her jaw so that she had to look at me. “Clarke, it would be an honor.” Then I pulled her into a kiss. We were kissing for what felt like forever and only stopped when Clarke pulled away to look at me. “You are sure, right? I don't want to pressure you into anything you are not ready for.” I smiled at her. “I have never been surer.” Both of us ended up grinning like idiots. 

 

Shortly after that we made our way back home, because it had gotten late and cold. When I was ready to drop Clarke of in front of her dorm, she stayed in the car for a while and just looked at me. “You know that I have never been so happy.” Then she got out with one last kiss. “Text me when you get home!” I smiled. She was worried even though we were living on the same campus. “I will! And Griffin?” She looked at me expectantly. “I do expect to see you tomorrow!”, I said with a wink and new found confidence. Clarke smirked. “Definitely.” 

 

That night I fell into my bed exhausted but happy. For the first time in forever, I had no doubts in mind. Clarke and I were together and I'd do anything to keep it that way. 

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's super short I know but that's all I had time for so here it is.

** Chapter 23 **

 

** Lexa **

 

We did meet up the next day. Clarke burst into my room without even knocking but honestly I didn't really mind. A grin spread across my face as soon as I saw her. “Hey there! What are you so excited about?”, I asked her as I pulled her onto my lap. At moments like this, I sometimes still couldn't believe that I could do things like that – just pull Clarke on my lap and kiss her. Speaking of kissing her, we went right to it and only pulled away when both of our lungs were starving for air. 

 

I smiled up at Clarke. “So what's up that got you storming into my room?” Clarke's cheeks reddened. “Right... well you kinda have to save my life... again.” I looked at her confused. “It's nothing bad but you remember how Raven and O wanted to do a movie night together... Well, they just decided that it haaaaaad to be tonight” Clarke rolled her eyes. “And they threatened that if I don't get you to come, they'll just move everything into your room, so you can't escape.” I laughed. This was so Raven and Octavia but then again surprisingly I didn't mind either. 

 

“Okay it's a deal. Tonight is movie night! But where exactly?” Clarke looked happy that I had agreed so easily. “Don't worry. I'll come get you and we can walk there together.” I smiled at her fondly. Clarke was ready to do anything to make me as comfortable as possible, as always. I still didn't know how I could be this lucky. 

 

The blonde got up again. “So I guess, I'll leave you to your work and see you later.” She smiled but I could see the reluctance in her eyes. “I mean if you want to... but you know we could always prepare ourselves for movie night by watching a movie that doesn't suck beforehand. I know O and Reyes are your best friends but I really don't trust their taste in movies.” Clarke chuckled. “You are totally right about that.” 

 

The next few hours were spend with cuddling and making out, the movie long forgotten. Clarke only left when she realized she still had to get some of her stuff before collecting me again. I was so happy about how things were going. At this moment I wouldn't have changed anything that ever happened in my life because all of it had led to her. 

* * *

 

** Clarke  **

 

It was incredible how easy it was to get Lexa to do stuff now, especially with Clarke's friends. Clarke remembered how long she had to beg her to meet O and now she was just agreeing to whatever her crazy friends had planned. They had come a long way in these last months and the blonde was so incredibly happy about it. 

 

She basically sprinted across campus to collect her stuff and make her way back to Lexa's. Actually it didn't make much sense to get Lexa because the location where they would watch the movie was a lot closer to Clarke's dorm than to Lexa's. She knew Lexa would figure this out and question why they hadn't just met at Clarke's place but when she had suggested it she hadn't known she would spend the whole afternoon at Lexa's and she had wanted to spend a little more one-on-one time with the brunette. 

 

She was back in front of Lexa's room so quickly that the brunette opened the doors with raised eyebrows. “How did you get back here so fast, Clarke? You would have had to run....” She eyed the blond more closely and then chuckled. “Which explains why you're panting and your face is red like a tomato.” Clarke looked at the floor too embarrassed to say anything. Sure, it was Lexa and she knew her really well by now but it still felt embarrassing how eager she was to spend every minute possible with her. The brunette didn't seem to mind though and pulled her into a kiss. “I missed you too, you know” The blonde laughed. “Let's get going okay?” Lexa just nodded and took her hand, while locking the door. 

 

The walk was quiet, both of the girls just enjoying their own thoughts and each other's presence. Once they passed Clarke's dorm Lexa looked over at Clarke with one raised eyebrow, which made Clarke blush profusely. Lexa laughed. “Thanks for getting me, though”, she said to Clarke with a smirk and squeezed her hand reassuringly. The blonde sent her a thankful smile. 

 

After a few minutes, they arrived at a school building. “We are watching a movie here?”, Lexa asked with a confused look on her face. Clarke smiled. “You'll see.” They walked down a few sets of stairs. Once they arrived at their final destination Lexa's eyes grew wide. She took in the room in which she was standing. There was a big screen, several bean bags and mattresses with pillows and blankets on the floor. One the other side of the room was a table with several snacks and drinks that must have been set up by O and Reyes, who now walked over to them. 

 

Reyes smirked at Lexa. “Helping the janitors and electricians has its advantages.” Lexa nodded while hugging Raven. “Yeah, I can see that.” After they had all greeted each other and settled down. They started some bad horror movie. Clarke only rolled her eyes and smirked at Lexa. Yeah, these two definitely did not have the best movie taste. But none of them really cared. Because the movie was so bad, everybody was okay with talking while watching it and so it turned into a really fun night.   
  
Once the second movie was over, they decided to call it a night and go home after the cleaning had been down. Clarke decided to walk Lexa home again. This time the walk was filled with chatter about the night and the movies. They arrived at Lexa's dorm way too quick for Clarke's liking. 

 

The brunette turned to her. “You know, I really enjoyed today. Your friends are great, at least as long as you ignore their taste in movies.” Both girls chuckled. “I am glad you liked it.” Then she pulled Lexa into a kiss. It grew passionate rather quickly. Lexa pulled away after a while. “You know, you could sleep over if you wanted to”, she whispered. Clarke looked at her in surprise but recovered quickly. “I'd love to.” And with that they both made their way upstairs. 

 


	24. Chapter 24

** Clarke **

 

Clarke and Lexa just enjoyed spending time together during the next weeks. They were occasionally joined by Raven and Octavia but most of the time it was just the two of them. It was going great and they became closer and closer but there was one thing lingering in the back of Clarke's mind. Anytime she was alone with her friends, they couldn't shut about how great her birthday party would be and how excited they were. 

 

And it really wasn't that Clarke wasn't excited for the party. She knew it would be awesome with her friends organizing it but she hadn't told Lexa about it yet and she was really scared to do so. No matter how close they had become she knew that Lexa really wasn't comfortable around new people and she didn't know anyone except from O and Reyes at the party. 

 

On this particular day, Lexa and Clarke had decided to meet up at the coffee shop that had been their place so long ago. Clarke knew she had to ask Lexa today. The party would already be in a week. When she came into the coffee shop she saw Lexa already sitting there engrossed in her book. She smiled. Lexa always looked so cute when she was really focused.

 

She walked up to the table and sat down in the free seat across from Lexa. In front of her a cup had been placed and she knew that it contained her favorite drink. She was so happy to be with Lex. “Hey!”, she said softly so that she wouldn't startle the reading girl. The latter one looked up with a grin on her face and got up to hug her. “It's good to see you. How was your day, Ms. Griffin?”, Lexa asked formally but the smirk on her face gave the joke away. 

 

“Well, Ms. Woods, it's very good to see you too.” Clarke went along as they both sat down again. “My day went very well but you know the hardships of adult life.” Both girls started laughing. After they had talked about their day for a bit they grew quiet. Clarke's thoughts had drifted off to how she would convince Lexa to go to the party and of course the brunette noticed that something was wrong. 

 

“Clarke, are you okay? Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?”, Lexa asked in a concerned tone. The blonde knew she had to tell her. “Well, I have something to tell you... So my birthday is coming up in a few days and my friends are hosting this big party. And, you know, I really want you to be there.” She looked at Lexa with hopeful eyes. The brunette looked deep in thought but Clarke could also see that she was scared. 

 

After what felt like forever Lexa started shaking her head. “I'm sorry Clarke but I really can't.” The brunette stared at her hands. Tears started forming in Clarke's eyes. She had known that it wouldn't be easy for Lexa but she really didn't understand that brunette couldn't even discuss it with her. “You can't even try coming and then leave if you don't like it?” She knew that Lexa could hear the hurt in her voice but the brunette just shook her head again. “Clarke, I am doing a lot for you but this I just can't. I am really sorry though.”

 

Clarke took a deep breath. Then she got up. “Well, I guess our relationship doesn't mean as much to you as I thought. We might as well end it then.” She turned around. She hadn't meant to get so emotional but now there was no turning back. She walked out the door slowly with tears streaming down her face and left Lexa sitting there in shock. 

 

What had just happened? She really didn't know why it was such a big deal to her and she had no idea why she had freaked out like this. It wasn't that important right? But then again deep down she knew why. It wasn't like Lexa was hiding her and she got that the brunette might not be a fan of pda but Clarke felt like she was hiding a part of her own life. She wanted to show everybody how much she liked Lexa but she couldn't. The brunette was okay with meeting up with O and Reyes but not with anybody else. Clarke felt like that had led to her having two separate lives that barely mixed and that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted to have her normal live just with Lexa in it. She sighed. She needed to see her best friends to talk about this. 

* * *

 

** Lexa **

 

'Did that really just happen?' I had just sat there reading, all happy and excited to see Clarke and now that. I knew that I had hurt Clarke with saying no and I honestly wished I would have been able to say yes but I just couldn't. Clarke didn't understand how anxious it would make me. If I would have agreed I probably would have bailed anyway. Being with Reyes and O was fine because I knew them but being at a party full of classmates that would judge me – no thanks. I am sure Clarke would have told me that she would be by my side all night but I knew that there was no way that that would be true. It was her birthday party, everybody would want to talk with her, dance with her, and just be around her. I would be the only one sticking out. I shook my head again. No, I made the right decision. 

 

As many times as I told myself this on my way home, my heart told me something different. I was worried that Clarke had really meant it, when she said the relationship was over. I couldn't lose her because of a stupid party. But I really couldn't go, could I? 

 

Worrying wasn't getting me anywhere so I decided to go study in the library. 'Might as well use my free time.' But of course I couldn't focus. All I could think about was Clarke and how hurt she had looked. After the misunderstanding I had sworn myself not to be the reason for Clarke being hurt ever again. But here we were and there was nothing I could do about it. 

* * *

 

**Clarke**

 

Clarke stormed into Raven's room to see both of her best friends sitting on the floor. They jumped up immediately when they saw that she was crying. “What happened?”, O asked while Raven immediately announced: “I will kill her.” Clarke just shook her head and started sobbing harder. “It's stupid really.” She got out between sobs. 

 

Octavia guided her to sit between her and Raven on the bed. “If it's making you cry, it's not stupid”, she replied softly. Her friends both held her tight, making Clarke calm down a bit. “So it's Lexa, isn't it?” O tried again. Clarke nodded. “Just tell us what happened, Clarkey. We can figure it out together”, Raven added, using her old nickname. Clarke rolled her eyes at that but a small smile appeared on her face. Then she sighed and told them what happened in the coffee shop. 

 

Raven looked at her, trying to process what she heard. “So you broke up with her, because she didn't want to come to your party?” Clarke sighed again. “I know, how stupid that sounds. I also know I should apologize but it was important for me and, well, she didn't even consider it.” The girls nodded in understanding.

 

“What about this...”, Octavia tried, “we have a few great friend-days until the party and then afterwards you can make up with Lexa. This way the big elephant will be out of the room.” Clarke shrugged. “I guess.” O grinned. “Great! Because we were actually about to watch a movie and you know how annoying this one gets.” Raven gasped in fake offense. “I am not annoying!” Clarke laughed. Her friends always knew how to make her feel better and she was sure Lexa would forgive her somehow but still a sting remained in her heart. 

* * *

 

** Lexa **

 

I had had the worst night of sleep. It took me forever to fall asleep first of all and then I had dreamed about me pushing Clarke down a cliff, telling her, no I wouldn't meet her family. No wonder I woke up panting. I was lucky enough that my morning classes had been canceled, so I was still in my pajamas when I heard a knock on my door. Reluctantly I got up to open it. Usually I would just ignore the knocking but there was a chance, however small, that it was Clarke. 

 

When I opened the door and saw Octavia and Raven stand in front of it with crossed arms, I sighed. This wouldn't be fun and I knew it. Of course Reyes didn't wait for me to ask her to come in but stormed into my room with O following her. I closed the door and turned around reluctantly. I really wasn't ready for this. 

 

“You know you are an idiot, Lexa?”, Raven started but to my surprise Octavia shoved her and whispered: “Remember what we talked about?”. Reyes huffed but then smiled a polite smile at me. “Forget that I said that.” Octavia looked pleased. Then we were all quiet for a while. “Why don't you two sit down?”, I asked, pointing to my bed. Having them stand around made me even more nervous. They nodded and sat down. 

 

“So,”, Octavia started, “we heard from Clarke about how yesterdays talk between you two went, well, less than optimal.” Now it was my turn to huff. “Yeah, you could say that.” Raven rolled her eyes. “Just listen to us, okay?” I sighed. “Sure...”

 

Octavia nodded and kept going. “Well, we are not here to tell you what an idiot you are”, she said with a pointed look at Raven, “but because we want to help you two figure it out.” Raven agreed this time. “Yeah, we know both of you well enough by now to be aware that you are both suffering at the moment and might I mention that it's totally unnecessary suffering.” I had no idea where this was going. “We get that you are scared of the party, Lexa, but this is important for Clarke so we have to find a solution.” I looked out of the window. 'There is none', I thought in my head but didn't dare to say it out loud. 

 

“I don't think you understand the whole problem here. To be honest we didn't get it until Clarke explained it to us yesterday but Clarke feels like she has to choose.” Octavia paused. I really had no idea what she was talking about. “She thinks she has to choose between you and her normal life and it's hard for her because she wants both.” She looked at me to see if I understood. I didn't. 

 

“I want you to really listen to me this time, Lexa. I really don't want to cause another misunderstanding... Clarke wants you. She would do everything for you. Like you know the kind of stuff that these sickeningly sweet feelings between you two cause but it's hard on her that she can't have you and her friends at the same time. When we go out and I can see she wants to come her only response is, I wish **we** could.” O stopped talking to let me process it. 

 

It took me a minute but then it had all made sense. I had asked Clarke plenty of times when she canceled on her friends to spend time with me if she wouldn't rather go out. Her answer had always been that she wanted to be with me. I just had never thought that maybe she had meant be **there** with me and not be at home or alone with me. “Fuck!”, I exclaimed. 

 

Octavia and Raven were grinning. They knew I had got it. “So?”, O asked me. “So what?”, I asked back. Just because I got it now didn't mean I could just become another person. “What do you think about the party now?” I shook my head. Back to the old problem. Reyes sighed, “Tell us why you don't want to go?”

 

I knew I at least had to give them an answer, so I told them what I had told myself all day to stop myself from calling Clarke and telling her that I'd come. They seemed to process it. Then a smirk appeared on Raven's face and she whispered something to Octavia, whom answered with a grin. “Okay, what are you two whispering about?”, I asked them. “Well, we have a plan that solves all your problems.” I raised my eyebrows. “Well, at least a few of them.” Raven laughed. “Do you want to hear it?” Of course I did. 

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

** Clarke **

 

The next days were hard for Clarke. Even though her friends tried everything to cheer her up, she missed Lexa incredibly. It was only now that she realized how intertwined their lives had already become. Her friends were happy to have her back at lunch but of course they noticed that something was wrong. O and Reyes must have told them not to bother her about it though because everybody was extra nice to Clarke and none of them asked any questions. 

 

The whole friend group was pumped for the party. They were going out regularly but throwing their own party was always a special occasion and Clarke knew they had some secret things planned if the hushed whispers were anything to go by. She didn't really mind though. She knew her friends long enough to be sure that they might embarrass her sometimes but would never make her do anything she didn't want to do. 

 

This brought her back to thinking about Lexa. Had it been fair to even ask her to step out of her comfort zone that far? Clarke couldn't stop thinking about it. She just wanted to make up with her but every time she was ready to give in, O or Reyes came along and convinced her not to. They had valid points that she couldn't ignore like that the problem of the party would still stand between them if she made up with Lexa beforehand or that the brunette probably wanted some time to think about everything since she hadn't contacted her in any way.

 

That worried her the most. She knew she had been the one to break it off but why hadn't Lexa at least tried to do something about it? Did she agree with the break up and think that it was for the best? Clarke had thought about every possible aspect concerning this topic when Friday came along. Her birthday was on Saturday but they had decided to have the party the day before so they could all be there since some of her friends had a field trip on Saturday. Though they would probably have to suffer through it with a bad hangover now. 

 

Raven and Octavia had told Clarke that they would come to her room a few hours before the party to help her get ready. They would be done with setting up by then. It turned out to be a good idea when they saw Clarke still in her pajamas watching videos in her bed. “Clarke, what are you doing? You should be jumping around all excited?” The blonde just shrugged and kept watching. She heard the other two girls sigh. She knew how much work they had put into that day and she really wanted to show them that she appreciated it but right now she would have jumped at the possibility to just stay in bed and watch Netflix for the rest of the night. 

 

But of course her best friends had other plans. Raven closed her laptop and pulled her out of bed. Clarke groaned but let her. She knew that if these two had something on their mind, they would get it so she let herself be pushed into the shower. When she came back out her bed was full with different outfits that she had to try on until all three of them agreed on one. She started to have fun again. She wasn't completely happy but she decided that she might as well enjoy the night. After Octavia had helped her with her makeup, the girls were off to go out for dinner. They knew that a good meal was needed for the amount of alcohol that would be flowing later. 

 

They arrived at the party right in time with most of their other friends. They would be celebrating at Bellamy's house. There were already a bunch of people in the house and the party seemed to be going pretty well. Her friends beamed. Clarke had fun talking to all her friends and classmates, playing drinking games and dancing. She tried to seem like she really enjoyed it but Lexa was always in the back of her mind. 

 

After some time it all became too much. She needed a break. Her head was hurting and she knew it wasn't because of the alcohol. Clarke went outside to sit on the bench on the patio. It felt good to be alone for a minute. It was Raven that found her there after a while. “Hey! What are you doing out here, Clarkey?”, she asked in a slurred voice. “You should be in there having fun!” Her face crunched up in confusion, which made Clarke laugh. That's when Octavia also stepped out of the house. “What are you two doing here? Having a private party?” O seemed to be a little bit more sober, which surprised Clarke. Usually she was completely drunk by this time of the night. 

 

Octavia looked at her phone, then she grinned. “I think it's time. What do you think, Rey?” The drunk girl smirked and nodded. “Definitely!” Now Clarke was the one looking confused. It was only eleven, so it wasn't her birthday yet. She didn't know what these two were up to but she doubted that it was something good. “Actually, this is perfect, Clarke. You are being a great help!” Before the blonde could ask with what she was helping, O had already pulled Raven up. 

 

“Can you do us a favor and just stay out here for a few more minutes?” Clarke really wanted to know what was going on but she knew there was no use, so she just shrugged. “Perfect!”, Raven exclaimed happily and off they went. Clarke didn't really like that her friends had something planned right now but if it offered her a few more minutes of alone-time she would take it. 

 

It was about ten minutes later when she heard steps behind her. She sighed. She wasn't really ready to go back in but what choice did she have. “Yeah, yeah, I am coming back in. No need to beg”, she told the person behind her and started to get up. As soon as she heard the other's voice though, she froze. “Well, you know I wouldn't mind staying out here for a while.” It was Lexa. 'OMG, why is Lexa here?', Clarke asked herself. She still hadn't moved but now she was freaking out internally.

 

Suddenly she felt soft hands on her shoulders, turning her around. She stared in Lexa's beautiful green eyes that were so close to hers. “What are you doing here?”, she whispered, afraid of destroying whatever was happening. Lexa smiled softly. “Well, I think you didn't wait for my answer the other day. So here it is now. I do care about this relationship more than about anything else in my life and I will do anything not to lose you. I was scared and I should have talked with you about it instead of just saying no. I am sorry.” Lexa looked away, a tear rolling down her cheek. 

 

Clarke cupped her cheeks and wiped the tear away. “Hey, look at me”, she told Lexa softly, so the brunette did. “I am sorry too. I shouldn't have freaked out like that and accepted your decision.” Then she shook her head. “You don't even know how happy I am that you are here.” Lexa smiled. “Me too.” 

 

They sat down on the bench again. “You know O and Reyes told me about how you feel like you have to live to separate lives.” Clarke started blushing, but Lexa took her hand. “I can't promise you that me and the rest of you life will fit together as well as you want them to but I do promise that I will try to play a bigger part in the rest of your life.” Clarke looked at Lexa in disbelieve. She had broken up with her and in response the brunette offered her to step out of her comfort zone more often. 

 

“You know I'd never ask you to do that.” She told Lexa. She needed the other girl to know that them being together wasn't conditioned to Lexa changing. She loved her the way she was and even though she might not have used these words yet, she needed the other girl to know. But the brunette just smiled genuinely. “I know but I want to.”

 

Clarke had exactly one thought left at this moment: 'How could I be so lucky?' Then she leaned forward and kissed Lexa passionately. The brunette was surprised by the force of the kiss but went with it right away. They had both missed each other like crazy and all the worries and doubts of the last few days were poured into this kiss. 

 

They hadn't even noticed somebody coming onto the patio until they heard someone clear their throat. Raven and Octavia just stood there smirking. “You know we wouldn't be opposed to a 'Thank you'-dinner!”, Raven suggested. The girls laughed. “It's a deal!”, Lexa said with a grin. “You know, it'd be great if you guys could come inside in a few minutes. Everybody kinda wants to celebrate the beginning of your birthday, not only Lexa”, Octavia added with a wink as she pulled Raven inside. 

 

Clarke turned to Lexa. “You know, you really don't have to come inside if you don't want to....” But Lexa shook her head with a smile. “I am here to celebrate the birthday of my girlfriend with her. I am coming in.” Clarke stared at Lexa for a second in surprise. Then she raised one eyebrow: “So back to girlfriend, huh?” Lexa blushed. “I mean only if you'd like of course.” Clarke chuckled. Lexa was really cute when she was nervous. “I'd love to be your girlfriend again”, she said and then kissed the brunette again reassuringly. 

 

“Let's go in then”, Clarke said reluctantly when they pulled away. Lexa nodded and looked towards the house. The blonde could see her getting nervous again. “You know, if you don't like it we can just bail after midnight and go to your place to watch a movie.” Lex smiled at her thankfully. “You are the best, you know that.” And with a grin from Clarke they made their way inside. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really 100% happy with this chapter but I wanted to get something out today because I am going to go abroad for a few months tomorrow, so updates probably won't be as regular anymore. I know it's kind of a bad place to leave it hanging but I'll do my best to update as often as I can. Thanks for staying patient with me!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not even going to try and give an excuse why it took so long and I know it's short so I am sorry but I hope you guys still enjoy it.

** Lexa **

The next day I was woken up by a loud groan. I turned around to see Clarke sitting up in my bed, her head in her hands. “I am never getting drunk again.” I chuckled and sat up straight too. “We'll see about that.” Clarke looked at me as if she was ready to kill me for that comment. I laughed quietly while I pushed myself out of the bed. At least I felt great but I also had barely anything to drink the night before. I went straight to the kitchen to get Clarke some bread and much needed painkillers. I thought about what had happened last night.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

 

After Clarke realized that I was going to stay at her party, she had obviously been so happy that she decided to drink birthday-shots with everyone there. I had warned her that she was drinking too much but then she looked at me with her big blue puppy eyes and I had to give in. Plus she asked me if I could get her home when she would be too drunk to walk by herself and of course I had agreed. At least that was something I didn't have to worry about, I thought.

 

Clarke was really having fun after that but at the same time she had made sure that she never left my side, checking every two minutes that I was still there and asking about every five minutes if I wanted to go home. It was so heart-warming, seeing her have so much fun and getting wasted but still knowing that her first priority was that I was okay. It definitely made me regret our big fight about the party. When I had been saying no, I hadn't even paused for a second to think about that it might not be that bad with Clarke by my side.

 

And I actually had to admit that I even had fun to a certain degree with O and Reyes there to keep me company when Clarke was busy with something else for a little while. I knew that all three girls had done everything possible so that I wouldn't hate it there and I really did appreciate that.

Once I had noticed that Clarke started to bump into furniture, I asked her if we could go home. She smiled at me softly. “Of course! I told you we could go home whenever you wanted to.” I smiled back at her and guided her out of the door.

 

Our walk back to our dorms was mostly quiet. We arrived at Clarke's first. I could hear her fumbling with her keys but she just stood there on the sidewalk and didn't seem to plan to go in any time soon.  
  
“Clarke?”, I asked her quietly so I wouldn't startle her. She looked at me. “Oh yeah... uhm... if you want me to go in that's okay. But I... I just don't want to leave you now. I want to stay with you.” Her speech was slurred and tears were forming in her eyes. Yep, she was definitely drunk.

 

“Hey, hey there... no need to cry. It's your birthday remember?” She nodded but at the same time a sob escaped her throat. My heart felt like it was breaking immediately, so I pulled her into a hug. She held on so tightly, I felt like she was afraid I would disappear. I stroked her back for a while to get her to calm down a little bit. Then I pulled back in order to be able to see her face.

 

“As long as you don't want me to I am not leaving, okay?” I could see the relief in her face and the tension leaving her body. “Want to go and sleep at my place, honey?”, I asked her quietly. I hadn't even noticed the slip of the nickname until I saw her beaming. “Honey... I like it.” I chuckled. “Okay, I will use it more often but first we have to get you to bed.” And with that we made our way to my dorm.

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Obviously Clarke had a great memory no matter how wasted she was. We were watching some random movie after she had taken the painkillers some time to kick in when she suddenly blurted out: “Oh my gosh, you did call me honey this morning, didn't you?”

 

I started blushing profusely. Honestly where were my coolness and coldness when it came to the blonde. I kept staring at the screen, hoping I would get out of this conversation without giving an answer. Of course I didn't.

 

“Hey, look at me.” Clarke requested softly, so I did. Her eyes were shining happily. “I love it, okay? Call me whatever cute nicknames you want to. That doesn't make you soft or cheesy and it's not embarrassing. It just adds to your game”, she said with a wink.

 

Then she leaned forward and whatever doubts I had left were gone. I kissed her passionately and decided it had been a stupid thing to worry about to begin with. Sometimes worrying about things like that just came with having been known as rational and cold ever since I was a little child. Being affectionate had never been something that came easy to me.

 

'I guess Clarke just brings out new sides of me', I thought and smiled into the kiss, because if I was being honest I quite liked this new part of myself too. And if it was something that would make Clarke happy I was definitely more than willing to keep working on it.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the best chapter but I hope you guys like it!

** Clarke **

****

A few weeks later they were invited to another birthday party – this time it was Raven’s and she had insisted that Lexa would come along. The last weeks had been great. Clarke and Lexa had been seeing each other a lot and Lexa was more and more willing to join Clarke and her friends when they did something. She looked so much more comfortable around them now. Still it had surprised Clarke how quickly Lexa had agreed to come to Raven’s party. She had told Lexa that she didn’t have to come if she didn’t want to but the brunette had just smiled at her. “One birthday party disaster was enough for this year, don’t you think?” The blonde flinched thinking about it but the brunette kept going. “Plus I like Raven and I want to be there for her party.” Clarke smiled back gratefully. “You know, same thing as last time, we can leave whenever you want to”, which earned her a kiss from Lexa.

 

They had both worked on being more attentive and empathetic during the last month and their relationship was definitely gaining a lot from that. It didn’t mean they were never fighting but even on the rare occasions that they did, they were now able to see the other’s point of view after having calmed down a bit and were able to find a solution that worked for both of them rather quickly most of the time.

 

Raven’s party wouldn’t be as big as Clarke’s considering it was in the middle of their finals but their whole friend group would be there and they all knew they would have a blast.

 

When Lexa and Clarke arrived that evening they were the first ones. It had been Clarke’s idea to come early and help with finishing up the preparations. She had been here this morning with Octavia for the big stuff so now there was not much left to do but she thought it wouldn’t only be beneficial for Raven but also for her girlfriend. She knew that coming last and having to walk into the crowd and greet everyone would be way more stressful for Lexa than being first and settled in before the others came.

 

She looked over at the brunette as they were waiting for Raven to finish getting dressed and she couldn’t hold back her smile. Lexa looked like she was deep in thought biting her bottom lip and staring at the painting on the wall. She looked gorgeous tonight even though she wasn’t really dressed up. The brunette was wearing tight black jeans, a dark red top and an open denim shirt over it. She had a little bit of mascara but no other makeup on her face. Still she looked so sexy to Clarke that she was afraid she would start drooling any minute. But then again if the blonde was being honest Lexa could have worn a trash bag and she still would have been the most gorgeous woman in the world to her.

 

That was the moment the brunette turned her head and caused Clarke to blush because the smirk on Lexa’s face clearly told her that she knew how long the blonde had been staring. “Like what you see?”, she asked with a wink. Clarke rolled her eyes. “Duh!”

 

Right then Raven came into the room. “Keep it together guys. The party hasn’t even started and you two already look like you want to disappear somewhere to be alone.” Clarke got up and walked towards her best friend. “We would never”, she said with a wink which caused Raven to groan. “You guys are gonna make me sick.”

 

* * *

 

 

** Lexa **

****

I couldn’t help but grin. I loved how Clarke’s friends where so comfortable around me to be joking around like that and if I was completely honest I was already considering Raven and O my friends too.

 

As the evening progressed slowly more and more people joined the party. I knew them all one way or the other and I felt surprisingly comfortable. I had a few chats with people I hadn’t talked much to before and as soon as I was alone either Clarke, O or Raven were by my side, talking to me, dragging me to play Mario Cart or some other game or telling me to get more to drink.

 

Actually this party had turned into more of a games night with a lot of booze. Some people were playing board games, others were playing video games and the rest were playing drinking games.

 

After one of the games finished I decided to take a break. I had sat down on the couch for less than a minute when I felt somebody sit down next to me. It was Bellamy, Octavia’s brother. I had met him a few times when we were doing something with Clarke’s friends but we had never really talked so I didn’t know why he was here. He smiled at me but his smile didn’t feel friendly at all.

 

“Hey Lexa! How are you doing?”, he asked me. I shrugged. “Good, it’s a great party.” He nodded and was quiet for a while. Just as I was about to get up and go search for Clarke because it was getting really awkward he started talking again.

 

“So you and Clarke? How is it going between you two?” I was starting to become suspicious of where this was going. “It’s going great actually. Why are you asking?” He took his time to answer again. “I know it’s not my place to say anything but I don’t think this is right. I don’t think you can make her happy.” Now I was starting to get annoyed. “Yeah and why is that?” He smiled at me like I was a clueless child. “Look I know you don’t want to hear it but I have known her for a very long time and I have known the people she’s been with. They were the opposite of you, Lexa. They were confident and outgoing and they fit with her perfectly. You on the other hand… you two haven’t been together for long and look how many fights and misunderstandings you have already had. This isn’t going to work. And if you ask for my opinion you should end it now because I can see you love her and you wouldn’t want to hurt her more than you have to, would you?”

 

I just gaped at him. Did he really just say that? I was about to answer when I heard a voice cut in. It was Octavia. “And who the hell asked you?” I turned around to see her, Raven and Clarke stand behind me, all three of them looking furious. Clarke stepped forward. “Yes, Bellamy, why the hell do you think you have any right to comment on our relationship?” He sighed. “I am just trying to help you and keep you safe. There are so many people who would be a way better fit than her”, he looked at me with disgust.   
  
I was so confused. What the heck was happening? I got my answer a minute later. “Oh yeah and who exactly would that be?”, Clarke challenged him. He waited a minute before he looked at her seriously. “Me.” ‘Oh!’, I thought, ‘Well now I get it…’ Clarke looked just as surprised as I felt. “You are like a big brother Bellamy. I could never…”, she let her voice trail off. He looked so hurt but I couldn’t bring myself to feel bad for him. What he had done, hadn’t been for Clarke. It had been purely selfish. The silence was growing heavy until Raven intervened. “I think it’s better if you leave now, Bellamy.” He nodded and started to walk away but then he turned around one last time and looked Clarke dead in the eye. “I warned you. You won’t be happy with her and you’ll see that I was right.” Then he finally walked out the door.

 

A sigh escaped Clarke’s mouth. “This was crazy.” I nodded. Her eyes looked at me for a long time, searching my face for an answer she obviously couldn’t find. She smiled at me unsurely. “Do you mind if we go home, I am not really in the mood for partying anymore?” I nodded. “Sure, let’s go!” We said goodbye to everyone and even though Raven and O looked a little disappointed they seemed to understand.

 

We walked in silence for a while until I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to speak up. “Are you okay, Clarke?” She looked at me thoughtfully. “Can we sit down for a minute?” I nodded and so we sat down on a bench near us. Clarke looked at me. “You know about what Bellamy said…” I looked at her expectantly. “Yeah?” She sighed. “Well, first of all I am sorry that he put you through this. I had no idea otherwise I would have talked to him. But also I don’t want you to worry about him maybe being right…” I nodded and looked at the trees in front of us. It had all gone so quickly that I hadn’t had time to really think about what he had said and maybe I was also pushing it away a little bit because there was probably some truth in his opinion. Clarke seemed to sense my hesitance so she continued. “And yes he has a point. All my past relationships, and I know we haven’t talked about this stuff yet, but they have been with people whose personalities were vastly different from yours… But Lexa, there is a reason that all of these relationships have ended and there is a reason that even though we had so many big fights and misunderstandings we are still together. I believe in us and I believe that this could be it. That you could be the person I spend the rest of my life with and I know this is really intense right now, so I am sorry but I had to get it out and...”

 

I stopped her rambling with a kiss. “Clarke, I love you. Of course, I also believe in our future and I am definitely not going to let it get ruined by what some idiot says. I have learned from my past mistakes.” She beamed at me. “I love you too!” After that we decided to go to my place to watch a movie and that night when I was falling asleep with Clarke in my arms I knew that this was the one thing I wanted most in my life and I definitely wouldn’t let anybody ruin it.


End file.
